He’s falling all over you, giving you tons of attention, flattering you, and telling you how special you are. Is he for real? That’s what Mazal wants to know:
Hi April, your advice is absolutely eye-opening and very inspiring! I’ve been having an issue. I’ve been out in the dating world for a bit now and I can’t seem to tell the difference when a guy says something nice, or compliments you constantly, if he really means it, or if he’s just playing you to get you into bed with him. How can you tell if a guy is genuine or a player?
Mazal, thank you for the lovely compliment! It warms my heart to hear that my advice has inspired you.
Is he genuine or a player? That is the question. It may seem like a mystery (it comes up quite a bit in my coaching sessions) but I assure you, this is an easy one to figure out.
Trust That You Are Amazing
First, however, you should know that when a man says something nice, or pays you a compliment, your job is to receive the compliment, not try and decipher the meaning behind it. If you attempt to unravel everything men say to you, you’ll start to turn them off from ever saying anything nice about you.
The men you don’t want will keep throwing out the sweet nothings to convince you, while the men you do want will stop offering the compliments altogether. No one wants their compliments to be dissected and questioned. It makes you appear insecure and not trusting – two ingredients to surely backfire on your love life.
Next, understand that compliments don’t make a man genuine or a player. They are just little gifts from a man who has noticed positive aspects of you. Keep these separate from your decision of whether or not he’s for real.
Finally, you can quickly tell if someone is just being inauthentic and trying to “get you into bed” or if he’s truly interested. Here’s how:
His words are but words. His actions speak louder.
You never want to be the woman who falls into bed simply because you heard the music of his compliments being whispered delicately in your ear. Your job as a woman is to use your mind, body and spirit to make your choices in men. Listen to your instincts. Watch his behavior.
Is he calling on a consistent basis? Asking to see you? Essentially, are his words backed up by action?
When one of my male clients meets a woman who truly captures his heart, he is overcome with the desire to tell her just how wonderful and amazing she is. This happens every time. Do they mean it? Absolutely. And I work with some of the most eligible, marriage-minded men around. You bet they mean it.
Therefore, I’m always disheartened when a woman I’ve introduced calls me to ask if “his compliments and words were real,” or if he’s “the kind of man who would say these things to any girl.”
You know what this tells me? That she doesn’t trust herself. And, every great relationship begins with trusting yourself first, and your partner second.
So Mazal, take your dating life into your hands and start using your intuition (not your fear) to be your guide. There are wonderful, authentic, well meaning men all around you. Just open your eyes (…and your heart).
Loved a Lothario?
Ladies, if you’ve been duped by a man’s way with words, opened your heart only to have your hopes dashed later, you’re not alone. In the spirit of our community here on Sparks!, I want to hear from all of you. Take the time to tell us what you feel you missed in the beginning. Warning signs. Red flags. Let’s discuss!
You are all smarter and stronger than you know.
See? I complimented you and I had no ulterior motive. 🙂 Just me giving the love!