Ask April

ASK April – How to Stay True to Yourself When Dating

Have you ever felt like you had to dumb down, change or put aside what you need just to suit a particular man in your life? Maybe you’ve even compromised some of your core values and you knew better…but felt like you couldn’t speak up?

Do you wonder if your dating life is going to put too many dents in the door to your self-esteem?

In today’s video I’m showing you how you can stay true to who YOU are when dating. No more tail wagging the dog! I want you in the driver’s seat of your life!

You’re going to learn:

1. How to do a “Healthy Self-Esteem” tune-up
2. How to develop your Personal Boundaries
3. Speak up! Honesty is always the best policy (and…men appreciate this!)

If you’d like to learn more, I encourage you to check out my Smart Sexy Soulful Dating™ Audio Series.

Would love to hear from you on how you’ve been able to navigate the dating waters and what keeps you on track no matter who walks in and out of your life. I’ll see you on the blog! Let’s chat here!

Your friend in love,

12 Responses to “ASK April – How to Stay True to Yourself When Dating”

  1. karen says:

    Staying true to yourself is so important. I lost that with a guy I dated for about two years. He was the first guy I dated after a long dry spell so I ‘threw’ my life into the relationship. And that wasn’t even a committed one! I learned never to do that again especially after I found out he was a ‘player.’

  2. Independent Girl says:

    How can I find the guy who loves me more than his life? If he comes in front of me then how can I find a loyal man in him. It’s time to get married and I am looking a man for that.

    • April Beyer says:

      Hi,
      I’m guessing that you are asking for devotion and commitment. No one is going to love you more than his life, nor should he. Nor should you. A great relationship only survives when two people love their lives and come together to only make it better. Choose well and ask for what you want and need. That’s a good place to start!
      All the best,
      April

  3. CK says:

    Hi April -
    The topic of “the worst dating mistake” came up in the office yesterday and it caused me to recall a poorly judged remark and mistake I made. I Googled you and I just saw your video response to Lisa on one of your websites. Your self-esteem, professionalism and overall focus is incredible. I admire that about you. It really resonated from you. Good for you! Keep up the great work. All the best, CK

  4. Anya says:

    I’m a 22-year old that’s pretty new dating. The guy I’m dating now is only the second guy I’ve ever dated (been dating for two months) and I’ve never had a boyfriend. From the start, this guy made it clear that he wasn’t looking for anything serious at this point in his life. So I thought I would have fun just dating him for a while. However, I’ve started to have strong feelings for him and I want him to commit more and more. I realize that trying to force him to commit would be a bad idea – it will probably just push him away. He says he doesn’t want to commit because for the first time in his life girls are interested in him and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship when he could be dating and having fun. But he has had one long-term relationship. I sort of understand him wanting to have fun but I’m also turned off and disappointed by it. My dilemma is, being someone who hasn’t dated much, should I just accept that disappointments like this (some guys just won’t want to commit) will happen and move on and try to find someone who wants to commit and have a meaningful relationship? But I also really like him so part of me wants to find a way to show him that we could potentially have something meaningful and long-term without being pushy and forceful about it. We have a lot in common and he is incredibly nice. There is the potential he might change is mind but I definitely don’t want to count on this and get hurt later on if it doesn’t happen. Basically I want to know if there are things I can do to try to change his mind, or if I should just focus on finding someone who shares my goal(s) of having a meaningful relationship?

  5. Meg says:

    I loved the tips you gave this week! I think it’s great to establish your boundaries from the start, but unfortunately I’m in a relationship where I didn’t do that and now a year in, I feel like I’ve taught this man it’s okay to treat me a certain way and that I can’t start establishing my needs at this point. Is it in fact, too late or can I teach him from here on what I need?

  6. Karen says:

    Exactly on point with what I’m dealing with right now. Just went through a relationship where the boundaries were tested and came out on top without hurt feelings on my part. Loved this one. Your advice is so helpful.

  7. Marianne says:

    April,
    I have recently entered into a long distance relationship – it’s only 5 hours away but just far enough to not do the normal dating thing. We both have extremely busy schedules so seeing each other takes a lot of planning. I have never done this before and feel very unsure of what the “rules” are. This includes when should we both be off the dating site, when should we become exclusive, etc. I really don’t like this feeling of being unsure of myself. Any advice you can give when in a long distance relationship would be very very appreciated.

    • april says:

      Hi Marianne, This is a great question for the Ask April segments! It requires more than just a short answer but for a quick tip: there are NO rules! Go with your instincts and what you need. Only you can determine this. If you’re uncomfortable about him being on a dating site, speak up! it never hurts to ask how someone might be feeling. This way you don’t have to guess. Remember, be fearless!!

  8. Anonymous says:

    I am a bit older than some of the other women writing here. For those women in their 30s who can’t find a mate: In universities I have met numerous men age 27-42, usually postdocs or graduate students in science, who are very lonely and can’t find a girlfriend, even though they are handsome, athletic and educated. They look over their female colleages, I can often see that some of their colleagues are bossy and not interested in really connecting to the men. I don’t know how women in their thirties can bridge this gap, but there are many young men out there if you can get into a science and technology setting where you can meet them. College alumni associations, campus political or environmental organizations and scientific organizations are possibilities.

  9. Leslie says:

    Such GREAT advice! So true, when you really know who you are and how you deserve to be treated, you don’t wast your time with the “bad boys”! Having a lot of respect for your self is so important and will usually lead you to the right person.
    April, thank you for all your amazing weekly advice!!

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