Sparks! with April Beyer

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Can a Social Butterfly Be Happy with a Homebody?

Relationships, by their very nature, start off socially. But at some point in a relationship people drift toward the level of activity that feels most natural to them. What happens when each partner has a very different comfort level with being social and outgoing?

April, I love reading your Sparks! with all the great, practical advice. For nine months I’ve been dating a wonderful man who wants to move the relationship forward. We’re compatible in many aspects, except for a few very important ones for me: I love to travel and he’s afraid of flying; I’m more active and social, so staying in watching movies and cooking is is his idea of a great weekend, while one night is enough for me. After that I’m bored. Help!

Hi Mary, I’d love to know the ways you are compatible with this man. If you have the important aspects in common, such as values, mutual love, care and respect, then it’s time to compromise with the activities you both like to do. It seems to me, you’re the only one compromising.

You don’t have to share all of your interests with someone, but your needs must be important to him. If he doesn’t like to fly, he should encourage you to go on a trip with a girlfriend. Not a social butterfly like you are? He still needs to go out every now and then and support you.

If you lose all the things you love — travel, friends, being active — he’s going to lose the woman he fell for in the first place, and worse yet, you’re going to lose yourself in the process.

Negotiate Some Trade-Offs

Try one weekend on and one weekend off. Meaning, this weekend, make plans to go out with friends and invite him to come along. Tell him the following weekend, you’d love to stay home and cook dinner with him.

If you find yourself always compromising or going places solo, then it might be time to take a long look at your relationship. It’s vital to your romance and well-being that your partner doesn’t strip you from all the things that make you happy.

I wish you all the best in your relationship, Mary. When in doubt, speak up! Tell him in a gentle and loving way that it’s important that you’re active and social. You’ll be a much better partner if your needs are being met.

I’ve done a few posts on this topic. It seems everyone wants to know if they’re compatible enough with their partner.

Would love your thoughts and comments on this one. Have your best relationships been with people you shared the most in common with as far as interests go? Do you think an introvert can live happily ever after with an extrovert?

Let’s chat!
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