Spring is here at last! And as we’ve discussed before on Sparks!, there’s evidence that more than just the weather begins to heat up this time of year! The budding greenery and the sweet music of chirping birds are the first signs heralding the very real phenomenon known as Spring Fever.
But what if you’re not in that place right now? What if the coming April showers are more appealing to you than a spring fling, and you just aren’t feeling it when to comes to your love life?
Should You Take a Break from Dating?
I hear it every day. Men and women asking me if it’s okay to “take a break” from their dating life. Whether it’s a tough work schedule, getting over an ex, or simply needing some alone time, sometimes there’s a genuine desire to put dating on the back burner.
My world is matchmaking and dating coaching so I’m all about bringing people together, but it might surprise you to know I’m a big fan of taking a dating break.
However, what I mean by that is different from what you might expect:
You can’t take a break from being human. From being a woman who is connected and engaged with the world. Not only is it not healthy, it’s hardly possible.
What if you’re sitting at a coffee shop and a conversation starts up with a nice looking man and the next thing you know you’re talking for hours? He asks for your number and wants to have dinner with you? Will you decline and politely tell him you’re on a break? Let this fabulous man walk out of your life forever?
No way! You and I know that’s just not realistic.
And ironically, it’s when you’re on a break, when your focus is diffused and you’re less concerned with any kind of dating outcome, that you’re likely to inadvertently capture the attention of the men around you. That’s because when you’re doing this, you’re going to have a light shining within you that men will notice. It’s true.
So what will you do, turn them away?
Knowing What You Want
Be honest with yourself. It’s not the break from dating that you so desperately crave. It’s the disappointment, effort, failed attempts, confusion and heartache that you want to rid yourself of.
When you’re coming out of a marriage, a long term relationship or a series of bad relationships, yes, it’s important to step back and deeply evaluate. I agree that if you’ve been in a negative pattern, you have to stop the cycle.
Because you don’t want to continue making the same mistakes and choices, you figure the best thing to do is to stop connecting with men all together. This is where I want to challenge you.
Strength in Self-Care and Openness
Can you do this relationship detox and still meet new men? Yes, you can.
Start by practicing your intuition, determining your values, and defining how you’d like to be treated by the men you meet. (At the end of this post I’ll share links to some Sparks! articles of mine all about how to take stock and help yourself heal, including one of my most popular posts ever.)
Invest the time in yourself, but don’t hide yourself away while you do it.
People will disappoint you, but that doesn’t mean you have to allow it to get under your skin. If you find yourself compromising your values or dating someone who isn’t making you happy, have the courage to gracefully exit without struggling to make it work.
It’s not “dating” that is hurting you. It’s your choices. You’re a smart woman, so start being smart about your dating life. You’re not a victim. You’re powerful and able to manage your personal life without fear and scarcity.
Remember, no one is out there to hurt you. People are flawed and no one is perfect. Your job is to have self confidence and awareness so you’re attracting quality men into your life.
Take care of yourself — mind, body and spirit, and never let anyone take you off the market.
Most importantly, stay connected. Don’t shut down and take yourself out of your daily life! You’ll be doing yourself a great disservice and quite possibly missing out on a really great guy.
Smile. Say hello to people you come across, and get busy getting happy!
Now here are those links I promised you! These are from my yearly Sparks! series, Five Weeks to a Fresh New Love Life. Spring is a time of renewal, which makes it the perfect time to take stock and refresh yourself when it comes to where you are and what you want in love!
Sparks! Five Weeks to a Fresh New Love Life:
This is your life! Enjoy and make the most of it!
Much Love, as always,