Sparks! with April Beyer

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The Friday Takeaway

Eight Ways to Win at Online Dating, Part Four

You would think that with millions of people dating online, it would increase your chances of finding a great guy. And yet, with access granted to everyone, it can be challenging to learn who’s worth your time and who is not.

It’s tough to win at this when you’re burned out and decide to give up. I created this series to help you stay in the game and have a fun time while you’re at it. In Part Three I showed you how to create a schedule to keep from being a slave to your dating inbox, and I explained why you shouldn’t even respond to “winks” and “I love your photo.”

So how do you know if a man is a high quality option for you? Has a solid character? Is actually ready for love? You’d think that by putting up a profile a man is indicating he wants a relationship. Not so, at all. If you’ve dated online, then you unfortunately know this already.

7. Qualify Him

Let’s face it. There seems to be a lack of really great guys online, and yet all kinds of incredible women. Frustrating, I know. With each passing day, you consider lowering the bar and giving someone a chance simply because you want to stay open to all possibilities. Wrong strategy.


You should always be open to a man who’s not your typical type or age range, but you definitely need to keep a close eye on character. The good news is, it’s possible to see through a profile and past the “representative,” if you know what to look for.

What To Look For


• His profile gives you just a peek (not his entire life story) into his life: his interests, passions, family and friends

• He describes YOU in what he’s looking for (your look, your personality)

• He shares your values and what is most important to you

• His idea of personal goals (kids, no kids, travel, etc.) are in alignment with yours

• He writes about his past, present and future (he’s well rounded and honest)

• He seems kind, warm, friendly and open

• He’s intelligent

• He’s positive and upbeat (no drama)

What To Look Out For

• He’s recently separated

• He’s “dipping his toe in the dating water” and just “trying this out”

• He’s interested in friendships and casual relationships

• He brags about himself, his accomplishments and what a fine catch he is

• He says it’s your job to prove that “good guys finish first”

• He talks about sex

• He posts shirtless photos (it’s even worse if they’re bathroom shots)

• He’s looking for someone 10 years younger than you

• He goes overboard with how “ready” he really is (who’s he trying to convince?)

Remember the key here is quality over quantity. Don’t feel you have to pay attention to everyone who expresses interest or wants to connect. Instead, make sure a man is qualified to be your potential partner, before you invest any time. Only go for quality men.

And now for my last tip of the series:

8. Never Initiate Contact

When you initiate contact, it means you’re coming from fear and scarcity rather than abundance and faith. I’ve never seen a woman win by being the first to reach out. Why? Because you’re inviting a man into your world who’s either not interested in the first place, dating a ton of women, not ready to meet you, or just plain lazy with his dating life.

Now, before I get a ton of posts about how I’m throwing women back to the 1950’s, let me tell you that feminine wisdom and strength is far more alluring (and lasting) then masculine muscle. Could you get a date by sending a man an email? Sure you could! But it won’t last. It will be fleeting. Men are flattered by a woman’s approach, but it ultimately backfires.

Trust that your profile is lovely enough to be found and responded to. If you followed my previous posts, you can create a knock-out profile that really catches his eye. Trust in timing and what the universe has in store for you!

Online dating shouldn’t change the way you are in the real world. The dating rules are not different online from what they are offline, despite what you’ve been told. If you get discouraged, remember to do a reality check and keep it all in perspective. This is not your only path for meeting a great guy. It’s just one tiny road on your journey to love.

I hope you enjoyed the series. You can revisit all Eight Ways to Win at Online Dating right here.

Be sure to keep me posted on all of your dating successes!

Much love,

April Beyer Signature

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