Sparks! with April Beyer

You are closer than you think.

The Friday Takeaway

Eight Ways to Win at Online Dating, Part Three

Our parents didn’t meet this way. Has dating, relating and romance come down to this? Sitting at your desk and creating a profile, smiling at the camera for malibusurferguy240? The idea of opening your heart and putting yourself out there for all to see, judge, choose or pass-up makes most people cringe.

I understand. As a professional Matchmaker I know how a skilled and trained eye is necessary for bringing the right people together. I’ll be honest, I’m not a huge fan of online dating. However, millions of people (good people by the way) have profiles online. This series isn’t about whether or not you should try it. It’s about how you’re going to do it the smart way, to increase your chances for success.

The timing for this installment in our series couldn’t be better: I just got an email from one of my coaching clients telling me she’s been getting a lot of attention with her profile since we set it up; more than 6,000 views. She’s flattered by the hundreds of winks and “love your photo” remarks, but she’s also finding them somewhat overwhelming. She’s outdoorsy and social, and yet, a very private person. The whole thing is new to her, and most of the time she’d rather just ignore her profile altogether.

In Part Two of this series we discussed how to have right attitude for online dating and what to say in your profile. Today, I’m going to tell you how to manage your profile and how to respond to the attention you get!

5. Create a Schedule

The number one reason people ditch their online profile is because they are overwhelmed. Despise your inbox at work? Well, here’s yet another inbox you have to sift through, and most of it’s junk mail. Any reasonable person would opt to shut down the computer and get out into the real world to meet a guy the organic way.

But there’s no reason to be hasty, because I have a healthy and manageable solution for you. Create a schedule and check your online dating emails only twice a week. Yes, only twice and for one hour each time. Pick two days of the week that aren’t your big social time with friends, family and off line dates. Then choose a time of day, like five pm on a Sunday when you’re home doing laundry, and stick with it! Don’t be seduced by your curiosity about the awaiting emails. A few days are not going to kill anyone. (You can always tell the guy who emailed you on Friday that you only check your mail twice a week. Believe me, he’ll understand and think you’re a healthy, smart woman.) By keeping a routine like this, you won’t to be a slave to your inbox, and you’ll be free to do the things you love with the people you care most about out in the real world.

6. Don’t Respond to Winks (Only to Emails)

I’m not sure when it happened, but I think we can all agree that online dating has made people (especially men) a bit lazy (okay, REALLY lazy) when it comes to communication. Most dating sites give you the “chicken little” way of reaching out to someone. You can wink, like a photo or send a flirt. As if online dating wasn’t impersonal enough, you can now get a woman to write to you without even typing a word on your keyboard.

I know it’s flattering to receive a wink, but it means nothing. It just shows that a guy was not invested, confident, socially aware or interested enough to send you a proper email. So if you’re not sure what to do with these, do nothing. Only respond to the men who have sent you an original email and put some thought into it.

Everyone else? Delete. Get these out of your inbox quickly so you don’t have to stare at them and second-guess yourself. Would you walk up to a man who winked at your in a bar from across the room and give him your number? Of course not! This is no different. Men who really want to meet you will read your profile and write you an email about something they learned or liked about you. You can then know it’s authentic and written just for you, rather than a copy/paste form email they’ve used on a hundred other women. (Yes, this really happens.)

Next week in our final part of this series, I’ll be sharing what to look for in a man’s profile to qualify him, and why women should never initiate contact. That might be a controversial one!

Have a great weekend, and get out into the world to meet people like our parents did. Your online dating is just a fraction of what and who is available to you!

Continue Reading Part-4 Now…

Much love,
April Beyer Signature

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