Sparks! with April Beyer

You are closer than you think.

The Friday Takeaway

Eight Ways to Win at Online Dating, Part Two

In the first part of this series we discussed how to choose the right dating site for you, and how to select amazing photos that will make you stand out. And that’s what this series is all about: in a sea of millions of profiles, you must do something that elevates you and causes men to stop, read and send you an email!

Attitude is Everything

Have you ever wondered why some women meet great guys online, while others are only meeting the ones they don’t want, or worse, getting no attention at all? While it begins with attraction and beautiful photos, the way you feel about yourself and about dating in general actually comes across in your profile, and can cause a man to linger or move on. So here are two more strategies for making the most of this first impression and attracting quality men online.

3. Maximize the Fun Factor

I know, I know. It sounds too simple. But in my significant experience as a dating and relationship expert, I’ve found that the people who succeed at online dating really do enjoy the process. They think of it as a positive step toward meeting new people, despite its inherent ups and downs, and they adopt an open mind about their chances. They aren’t ashamed, embarrassed or impatient, and they aren’t looking at this like it’s their last resort before joining the convent! For these folks, online dating is simply another avenue for an already flourishing social life, or a chance to meet new people outside of an intimate circle of friends.

You can also make the process more fun by eliminating any kind of deadline or time frame for yourself. It just adds artificial pressure, which is never fun. So instead of going into this with an “I’ll give it three months total” mindset, just plan to let it ride. Those who succeed stick with it for as long as they’re single or available, taking the hit-or-miss aspect in stride. I know, it can be exhausting at times, and you might feel defeated. It’s easy to hit the pause button or cancel your membership altogether. I get it. But one thing is for sure: you never know when the right person might come across your profile.  If you take it down too soon, you could miss out on someone truly wonderful.

Finally, are you looking for “the one”? Of course you are, but guess what? That’s not the right attitude for online dating. Nothing kills the fun like that kind of pressure! Switch your brain to think of this as a fun experiment, and enjoy the fact that you’re meeting interesting people. Each time you have a date that doesn’t meet your criteria, just imagine that you’re one step closer to knowing and finding what you really want. If you allow yourself to enjoy connecting with people and you lose your attachment to the outcome, this will be a gratifying journey for you instead of a taxing ordeal.

4. Say the Right Things in Your Profile

You should know that how you feel does indeed show up in your profile. I can read a profile and in twenty seconds tell you if someone is insecure, negative, fearful, closed down or desperate. It’s important that you be aware of the signs so you can avoid unintentionally sending the wrong messages.

Everyone seems to make the same initial mistakes in the “About Me” and “What I’m looking for” sections of their profile.

In “About Me,” people tend to use the space to talk about what they do, instead of who they are. Use the interests/work/career/education questions to talk about what you do. This particular section is designed to help someone tune into who you are internally, or romantically. Begin by sharing who you are as a woman, or how you are in a relationship. Tell us how you love, how you express yourself, and what brings you joy. That alone will get a man to lean into his computer to learn more about you.

Since everyone is dating efficiently these days, another common mistake is to talk about what you don’t want in the “What I’m Looking For” section. You might think you’re being honest and clear, but it reads as negativity and causes people to move on to the next profile. Instead, focus on what you do want, and stay positive in your profile. That will help you keep the focus where you want it. On how appealing you are.

And be sure to leave all your rules out of your profile. “I don’t like cats” or “don’t contact me unless you’re serious about a relationship” are not statements that will serve you. There’s time to share these at a later date, when you get to know someone. Until then, they work against you with everyone, especially quality men. You want to convey that you are warm, approachable and interested. That’s what will attract the healthy, relationship-ready men you want to meet.

Next week I’ll be sharing two new strategies in Part 3, including how to schedule online dating so it doesn’t become a chore, and when (or when not) to respond to emails and winks. So check back next Friday!

Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below. We have an amazing community of women reading Sparks! each week, so I know you’re enjoying this information. I’m happy to continue the discussion about these tips!

Continue Reading Part-3 Now…

Have a fantastic weekend!

Much love,
April Beyer Signature

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