What happens when you meet a man who has everything you’re looking for — but just one thing is missing: he’s not in your income bracket? Maybe he’s a cute teacher and you’re on a partner track. Or maybe he’s an emerging entrepreneur who’s still getting established, while you’ve already become a homeowner.

How do you navigate the situation without creating awkwardness or hard feelings? That’s what Kim is struggling with.

Hi April, I’m 32 years old and do very well in my profession. It’s not easy to find men who are at my financial level. What advice do you have in dealing with major income differences?

Kim, your question is so very common these days! And the short answer is, it all depends on how much you respect the man you’re with.

Most women will fall into the trap of paying a man’s way, but this is a recipe for disaster. It takes away his opportunity to court you, which in turn makes him feel as if he’s not contributing. And the fact is, a man feels his value to you when he can contribute on all levels and make you feel good.

At the same time, you’re accustomed to providing nice things for yourself; you’re able to travel, to go to the fancy restaurants of your choosing, and you don’t think twice when you see a gorgeous dress you’re dying to have. What’s a professional single gal to do?

Think About the Man, Not the Money

Yes, you might make more money because of the type of work you do, while the man you’re dating is absolutely brilliant, but limited with what he earns due to his profession. But just because a guy doesn’t have a lot of money, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t pay for the date. Or that he wants you to pick up half the check.

Remember, your guy still needs (and wants) to be a gentleman. He still needs to court you, money or not. So trust him. Know that if he chooses a restaurant, it’s one he can afford, and don’t offer to pitch in. Just relax, and let him enjoy treating you.

Instead of jumping in with suggestions for dates, practice patiently receiving and see what he comes up with. You might be surprised by what he can offer, and it may be even better than a typical dinner at a fancy restaurant you’ve already been to. Be open to the experience of being with him, without obsessing over income, which is not what love is about.

What Matters to You

Finally, my question back to you, Kim, is what is most important? Another trip to Paris, or a man who loves, adores and respects you?

As women are becoming more successful, the pool of men who make as much as, or more than you do is getting smaller. Certainly finances are a factor, but whether you connect with a man (his mind, heart, and values) is key.

Now, again, I’ll stress that you must respect the man you’re with, so if you can’t look up to him and admire him for any reason, then he’s not for you. But look at the whole picture. Don’t forget about the deeper and more meaningful things that will carry you through your life together. That’s where you want to place your heart.

A Common Experience

I hope that helps, Kim. For the rest of you, I know if you’re reading this, you’ve come up against this issue before. I’d love for you to share your thoughts here in the comments section. How did you handle the situation? What was the outcome?

Finally, be sure to check back on Sparks! this Friday for part one of my next The Friday Takeaway series: Eight Ways to Win at Online Dating! It’s going to be good!

Much love as always,

I say this often because I know it to be true: a guy who’s perfect for you could be hiding in plain sight. And that’s great news!

But first, can you believe it’s been almost five months since I launched this blog? I never realized how much I would enjoy writing these posts for you and interacting with you directly about dating and relationships. I love reading your comments, especially the stories you share.

My goal is for each post to spark something in you — whether it’s to help you know yourself better, to understand more about men, to take some chances in love, or simply to embrace the fun of dating. Whatever your relationship status, I want you to enjoy your life as it is at this moment. Being single is not supposed to be hard work. This is a key part of your journey!

If you followed my Spring series Five Weeks to a Fresh New Love Life, then no doubt you are ready to put the new you out there and meet some quality men!

Today, I’m going to take you back to my very first “Sparks!” post, which tells you how to start connecting with men in every area of your life.

This means you’ll be talking to TEN men this weekend!

Okay, you don’t have to do it all in ten minutes, but you do have to talk to at least ten. Here’s the link to my first “spark” to get you started:

The Weekend Warrior and Your Love Life

Remember, this is for fun and practice. Give it a try, share it with your friends, and check back here and tell me how it’s going!

Much love,

Today’s letter comes from Wendy, who has been grappling with a question that’s been driving women crazy since the dawn of time. Wendy writes:

Why are men so fickle? I recently met a great guy who seemed really into me. We went out a few times, and I thought something great could be developing. But as soon as I began making myself more available (which is what I thought he wanted), he lost interest and stopped calling or texting. This makes me wonder: are all men in it for the thrill of the chase? I’d hate to think all men are this way, and I don’t want to play games, but it seems holding back is the only way to keep a man interested.

Thank you for this great question, Wendy! It really gets to the core of some of the dangerous myths that can wreak havoc on our love lives. One of the most persistent myths is that acting coy, disinterested, or unavailable is the way to pique and sustain a man’s interest. It’s a fiction that’s been passed down and reinforced through generations, but let’s take a closer look at the implications of such behavior.

First of all, if you really are interested in and available for a long-term relationship, then pretending to be unavailable at the beginning is to start from a place of dishonesty. Your foundation already has cracks in it! If you know that you want an open and honest connection, one in which you don’t play games, then why sell yourself short? To deny what you truly want in favor of what you think he wants means that you’ve bought into another, even more harmful myth: that men are universally and fundamentally relationship-shy.

Are Men Relationship Averse?

I’m happy to tell you no, this simply isn’t true. Sure, there are some men out there who aren’t looking for a deep emotional bond in their dating life—we’ve all run into more than a few of those!—but not all men are this way. There are many relationship-ready men looking for women who are available, clear about their needs, and willing to be vulnerable. If you keep finding yourself in situations with men who “go cold” as soon as you open up, we’ve got to look deeper and get to the source of the problem.

It sounds cliché, but we really do attract what we put out into the world. If you’re presenting yourself as unavailable, you will attract men who are not relationship-ready. You set the tone for the relationship, and then when you suddenly open up and expect emotional intimacy from a man who hasn’t shown signs of wanting such a thing, it’s not him who’s changing the temperature; it’s you. He’s simply reacting.

So how do you break the cycle?

1. Assume responsibility for who you’re attracting. In owning the responsibility, you take back the power to alter your course.

2. Train yourself to be open, honest, and vulnerable on your fist date. I know this seems scary, and doing this will scare off a handful of men, but consider that a blessing; those men aren’t the men you want anyway! Relationship-ready men will need you to be available and will respond well to your vulnerability. This practice will weed out the players, jerks, and commitment-phobes and spare you the heartache of pouring energy into a relationship that’s not nourishing you at your core.

You Get What You Give

Incorporating these practices into your dating life will require you to be fearless, both in examining your own heart and in revealing its contents to another. But trust me, the greater the risk, the greater the reward. Begin taking your walls down—and filling in those emotional moats you’ve dug around yourself for protection—and you might just be surprised how much more easily men find their way in.

Let me know if this resonates with you!

Much love,

What happens when you have great chemistry with a man who neglects to mention he’s married? Do you still want him? Why? That’s what Kim wants to know.

April, I need your advice: what happens when a man contacts me after seven years and wants to get close. We used to work at the same company, and have always been attracted to each other. I would love nothing more than to be with him. There’s a problem though – he’s married and forgot to tell me. I told him I wouldn’t betray his wife, but I still want him.

Why is it we want what we can’t have?

Kim, first of all, this man did not “forget” to tell you he’s married. He simply chose not to tell you. Forgetting being married is like forgetting that you have two arms and two legs; it’s really not possible.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever been married, but if you have, you know this is nothing to mess around with. My first question to you is why do you want this man? Sometimes, yes, the fact that you can’t have him could be what makes him so appealing, but is that something to base a relationship on? Trust me, it’s not.

I take marriage very seriously. It’s what I do for a living – I create marriage and family for others.

My advice is to stay away from him. There are plenty of men out there who are not attached or married. Men who can fully devote themselves to a relationship with you. Don’t sell yourself short by going for a man who can only offer you fifty percent.

It’s too easy to attract an unhappily married man. Most women could do that in their sleep so don’t be flattered. You might even hear that his marriage is less than wonderful. Let him deal with his own life without having you as a back up.

Be smart, and be the woman who has self-esteem and self-control.

But I’m also a married woman, and in that sense, I speak for millions of women all over the world when I advise you to steer clear of him. Don’t do that to another woman. Be part of a sisterhood that says no to married men. With an affair, everyone loses.

Good for you for saying that you won’t betray his wife. When you marry someone, you become family. There are many people involved when an affair destroys a marriage. One day you’ll be married, and a woman may interested in your husband. You’ll look back on this time and be glad you made the right decision. You don’t know this woman, but we are all connected. There wouldn’t be affairs and cheating men if women just said no.

I’d like to hear from the rest of you. Did you have to learn this lesson the hard way? If so, please share your stories in the comments. I believe we all can learn from each other’s experiences.

Until next time,

During the last five weeks, I’ve used the Friday Takeaway to help you prepare to kick start your love life, and get yourself ready for Spring romance. If you haven’t been following along, here’s what we’ve covered so far:

Week One: Give Forgiveness
Week Two: Get Input
Week Three: Get a Great Wingwoman
Week Four: Sexify Your Style!

Today we’re done with planning. Now you move into the action phase. I’m asking you to get out of your head and open your heart to the world, no matter what has happened in the past. It’s time to step up and to seize the day!

Get ready to say YES.

This means yes to dates. Yes to opportunities that are all around you. Yes to thinking and feeling in a new way. No more saying “no” – that word has a way of keeping you stuck, and to be honest, it doesn’t mean you’re more selective. It keeps you closed and shut down.

Instead, you’re going to say yes, putting yourself out there in a whole new way, and seeing yourself and the men around you with fresh eyes.

Here’s How to Do This

I have five ways for you to get there quickly and easily.

1. Ditch your List. Let’s face it. Following an old and tired list of superficial wants is making you crazy. Why? Because it puts you in a constant search for a man you’ve created in your head, instead of a man you’ve actually met. Let go of this imaginary person so you can see the real men around you.

2. Try a new “type.” You know you’ve got a type — but how’s that working out for you? This week, start looking out for and having conversations with men that don’t fit into the picture of your ideal guy. Is your type tall, dark, GQ handsome, outgoing and funny? (If so, get in line!) The shorter, quiet guy with blonde hair/blue eyes and the preppy style might have been overlooked in the past, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t right for you. You miss one-hundred percent of the shots you don’t take. Give it a try!

3. Change Your Schedule. I can’t tell you how many happy couples I’ve matched up who literally lived right down the street from one another. They never would have met on their own, simply because they had become so robotic with their schedules. If you don’t shake up your calendar and try something new, or do something on a different day, you’ll only be running into the same people over and over, sharing your life with the same circle of friends. This week, do everything opposite of your routine. Literally everything.

4. Forget Your Plans. Life happens when we’re busy making plans. Be flexible and open to new thoughts, ideas, places and people. Rigid thinking gets you nowhere, and keeps you alone. Be fluid with your dreams. Your journey will take you to interesting places if you just let go and open your arms to the world. Letting go of your “I need to be married within one year and marry a man with no kids so we can start a new family” doesn’t mean you’ve stopped dreaming, or that you aren’t trying. It just means you’re ready for whatever the universe has in store for you. Timing is indeed everything. Give yourself a break and let go of the wheel!

5. Let your heart — not your mind — be your guide. Your head is not qualified to lead your love life. You might think it keeps you safe, but no, it’s the opposite. Listen to your instincts. You’ll know you’re choosing wisely when you’re able to be open with your feelings, allowing them to lead the way.

I urge you to get out there and open your arms, your eyes, your mind and heart. The world and some very special guys are just dying to meet you. Get out there! And let me know how this series has helped and supported you. I want the best for you!

To new beginnings and lasting relationships!

After the passion and excitement at the start of a relationship begin to level off, should you worry about whether the relationship has run its course? We all love the thrill of those first months in a new romance. Kacey wants to know how to ignite that again in her own relationship.

How can I get the honeymoon stage back into a relationship? Seems like the relationship feels like fifty years instead of only almost two years. Thank you!

Everyone in the world has felt exactly what you’re feeling, Kacey, and there’s a reason why. Relationships are meant to transition from the honeymoon stage and deepen into a strong bond of love and friendship. This is what happens when two people become familiar and relaxed with one another.

Think about it like this: in order to build a life, marriage or family with someone, there has to be trust and comfort. If the honeymoon phase went on forever, you’d never get anything done! Those butterflies in your stomach and excitement were there because you didn’t know each other and anything could happen. Now, you know each other well. You can’t get back the honeymoon stage at this point; it’s unrealistic.

But that’s okay because that’s how it should be! You can now build something new and exciting with your partner, based on what you have.

Create More Connection and Romance

You have to start loving and accepting this stage of the relationship, because looking back and comparing now to the first six months is only going to make you feel like something is wrong. Look toward the future instead, and create a new way of connection based on valuing the two years (so far!) of this relationship.

Let me ask you a question: is there love between you? Dedication? Interest in being with one another? If not, then okay, it’s possible the relationship has run its course. But if you still have love, and are just missing a few things that make sparks fly, here are some suggestions:

1. Get out of your routine. Couples tend to get into a rut and when they do, they mistakenly think their relationship is over. Shake it up! Try a new place for dinner. Get in the car and go someplace you’ve never been. Make it an assignment that you both plan a fun weekend getaway without the other one knowing anything about it. Surprises are a great way to kick things up and bring more intensity to your time together.

2. Listen and Ask. When we’re settled into the familiarity of a relationship, we forget to ask our partner how they’re feeling. You may think you know everything about your guy, but trust me, there are millions of things he’s thinking that you’re unaware of. Check in. A great time to do this is in bed on a Sunday. Ask him what he’d love to do, or what would make him happy. Remember, this is the time to ask and not tell. If you make it all about him, you’ll be surprised how quickly he makes it all about you.

3. Choose Affection. In the beginning you called each other “lover”, “sweetie” “darling” and other terms of endearment. What happened to those? Use these words again with him to remind him of why you two fell in love in the first place.

4. Leave your problems at the door. In the beginning, you didn’t share every gory detail of your life with him. Now he knows how much you hate your boss, how your bff has been hurting your feelings, and all the things you don’t like about yourself. Zip it for a while. This doesn’t mean don’t share, just be careful that you’re not unloading on him all the time.

Here’s a Little Secret!

Remember, to get the romance back, you have to do the work first. If you’re with the right partner, you won’t even have to ask for more fun and romance. You’ll simply be leading by example. Inspire action instead of asking for it or demanding. You’ll be much happier and all the more effective and powerful!

Good luck with your relationship, Kacey, and let me know how things are going!

Now it’s your turn. What have you done to turn your love life around, or create a “honeymoon” feeling in a long-term relationship? I’d love for you to share in the comments section below!

Much love everyone!

This week wraps up National Poetry Month, and what a wonderful topic for exploring the path to love. We could all learn something about the practice of love from poetry, but not in the way you might think: I’m not necessarily talking about immersing oneself in the romantic writings of Pablo Neruda (although far be it from me to discourage such a thing). Instead, I’m talking about infusing our lives with a more poetic outlook. And by that I mean cultivating the receptivity and openness-to-the-moment that’s intrinsic to the craft of poetry itself.

One of my favorite poems — perhaps because it encapsulates what it means to move through life as a poet, as someone who is attuned to the nuances of every moment and lets the emotional impact of those moments wash over him — is by poet laureate Billy Collins and it’s called “Aimless Love.” In it, the author chronicles a day of continually falling in love, first with a wren, then a field mouse, then a bowl of broth, and finally, a bar of soap. On the soap:

so patient and soluble,


so at home in its pale green soap dish.


I could feel myself falling again


as I felt its turning in my wet hand


and caught the scent of lavender and stone.

Of course, I’m not advocating you go out and buy a bar of lavender soap and practice your best pick-up lines on it. What I’m getting at is that falling in love is almost a byproduct of cultivating an appreciation and openness to the world, and an awareness of your own reactions as you move through it. 

Falling in love is not just about finding the right person; it’s about being receptive and ready and willing to make true connections. If you allow yourself to notice, savor, and celebrate the beauty that is unfurling around you all the time, you are that much closer to falling in love. As Collins put it:

But my heart is always propped up

in a field on its tripod,

ready for the next arrow.

I’d love to hear some of your favorite poems, and what role they’ve played in your path to love. Please share below in the comments!

With love,

Now that spring is here, it’s the perfect time to take a look at your style! Are you choosing clothing to inspire romantic attention? Or have you completely checked out when it comes to your wardrobe?

Something I’ve learned from listening to the men I work with: every man wants to meet and know a woman who truly loves being a woman. That difference is something men find appealing and refreshing. Men don’t want you to just be “one of the guys.”

And part of the joy of being a woman is the fun we get to have with the way we dress! Who doesn’t love to pick out a new outfit, a great pair of heels, or a new fragrance that instantly lifts your spirit?

Take a Look in the Mirror

This weekend, take out the clothes you typically wear on date, put them on, and stand in front of the mirror. How sexy do you feel? How do you walk, stand, or sit in those outfits? Sexy comes from within, but your clothes will help to bring it out into the world.

And guess what? You’re also going to want to look at how you dress for work. Think you can’t have a corporate job and still look sexy and feminine? Think again. Remember, men are all around you in your daily life. If you’re single, you can’t afford to clock out from your single style just because you’ve clocked in at work.

So, it’s not just dates you need to focus on, it’s all the moments and days in between. If you have clothes in your closet that don’t serve your femininity, get rid of them.

You’re a single woman; make the most of all of your opportunities!

What Does Dressing Sexy Look Like?

A date is an opportunity to create romance so your wardrobe needs to look like you’re interested in being romanced! If you’ve got great legs, show them off! Beautiful neckline? Wear a blouse that reveals your gorgeous skin. A man doesn’t need to see everything, but he is interested in seeing your silhouette. (Yes, even the good guys!)

Of course, sexy does NOT mean slutty. You can look elegant, professional, stylish, smart, and sophisticated and still look sexy. Sexy simply means you look like a woman and dress for your curves.

And it’s fine to look pretty, but you should know pretty doesn’t always translate to sexy.

Sexify Your Style

On your next date, leave the jeans and slacks in the closet and wear a dress or a skirt with a pair of fantastic heels. Even if your next date is not the man of your dreams, you’ll be getting attention from everyone around you and that can be a great experience.

Must-haves for your wardrobe:
Heels
Skirts
Dresses
Eye-catching necklaces

Thoughts to keep in mind when shopping:
Feminine
Approachable
Soft
Sexy

If you’re still unsure about how to create a single-style wardrobe, find a stylist in your area to go through your closet and do a one-day shopping trip with you. It might surprise you to find how much you enjoy adding a little sexiness to your look!

Trust Your Natural Intelligence and Have Fun!

In my interviews with women, I consistently hear how they’ll dress down for a first date and leave the sexy dress behind. It’s all in an effort to be taken seriously or to not give the wrong impression to the wrong man. 

If this is your thinking, you’re not giving yourself enough credit. No one is going to take you seriously because of the way you dress. Your natural intelligence and confidence will do that for you!

Have fun with your sexy style and get out there and feel good about being seen. Spring is the perfect time to attract a great new guy!

Try this and let me know how it works for you! I’d love to hear your stories about what kind of responses you get!

Much love,

One of the most common questions I get from women is why so many men seem to be allowing women to do the courting. If you’re in your 20s and 30s, you might even be accustomed to taking the lead. It’s just the way things are right now.

But let’s take a look at how this “modern approach” is working for you, because it might be hurting your self-esteem and keeping you from a really great guy. Deana’s question is the perfect chance for us to do that:

Hi April — the guy I’m currently dating never calls unless he’s returning my call. He’s always glad to hear from me so I don’t know why he doesn’t call. Is this a sign that he’s not really into me? Thanks.

Deana, the simple answer to your question is: yes. For whatever reason, this relationship is not a priority for him.

I know the book (and movie) He’s Just Not That Into You was popular with women, but frankly, it goes much deeper than this. What you should be concentrating on is why you’d be consistently reaching out to someone who’s not interested in pursuing you. I get that he’s happy to hear from you. Who wouldn’t be? It’s always nice to get a call and a hello from someone you know likes you. It’s flattering.

But let’s be real: he’s acting very lazy, and do you really want to date someone who doesn’t pick up the phone and make plans? Forget about why he isn’t calling. Focus on the fact that he’s NOT calling.

If your needs aren’t being met, I encourage you to look at why you’re still attracted to this guy. Just something to think about. I’d hate to see you putting all of your attention on the wrong guy. You could very well be missing out on someone who would jump at the chance to call you and ask you out on dates.

Let me know if this helps!

What about you, ladies? Do you find yourself making all the moves? Have you noticed that women have become the aggressors in relationships? If so, does it bother you? Or does it make you feel empowered? Would love your questions and comments! Let’s chat.

Much love,

Some things are just easier and more fun when you have someone along for the ride — to keep you company, lend an extra perspective, or cheer you on. This is why you have friends!

With all the ups and downs of dating, the relationships, heartbreaks, job promotions and big life events, they’re the one constant that remains no matter what. But have you ever asked yourself if all of your friends are good for your love life?

Not all of your friends are the same, and not all of them have the qualities you want in a wingwoman. Today I’m going to tell you what to look for in a dating cohort, and why you even want to have one in the first place!

Four Qualities of a Great Wingwoman

1. Fun! — A great wingwoman is someone you enjoy going out with. You have great conversations and common interests, but it’s so much more than that. You both need to have a similar energy, attitude and outlook.

2. Independent — A great wingwoman is single, feels great about herself, and has a positive attitude about men. She makes easy eye contact and has a “sunny disposition.” She loves going out and meeting people and isn’t attached to the outcome of meeting “the one.” She dresses feminine and sexy, but not over the top revealing. She should be the type of person who loves to look great, but isn’t there to have every man in the room staring at her.

She also knows that when you’re out on the town, she doesn’t need your full attention. This is a woman you don’t have to babysit. She’s independent and likes being around other interesting and attractive people.

3. Friendly — A great wingwoman is open to conversation with all people and not only the men she finds interesting and attractive. She enjoys light conversation, she’s quick to smile and is very approachable. She’s never sarcastic with new men who approach your table of friends, but rather is sweet and welcoming. If a man is interested in you, she promotes you by giving you verbal praise. She’s never competitive with you or with men. She simply trusts that there are enough great guys to go around.

4. She Feels Great About You — A great wingwoman adores you and wants the best for you. She celebrates you when you’re up and holds your hand when you’re down. She’s the woman who wants you to succeed with everything in life — especially with men. If she’s suffering from a broken heart herself, it gives her hope to know that you’ve found someone special. Above all, she has a feeling of love attracts love and light attracts light.

Why It Matters

Having a great friend along can make it easier to connect with others, including men, and give you the extra confidence required now and then when you’re trying to make the most of your single journey. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re ready to meet someone. Having a companion who isn’t competitive, jealous, or negative can help you keep your spirits up when you aren’t having luck meeting the kind of man you’re looking for.

Are YOU a Great Wingwoman?

When you find the right cohort, then it’s time to ask yourself if you are giving what you’re getting. Take a look at the list above and see if it applies to you. One thing you might notice is that the same qualities that make someone a great wingwoman, also make her a great catch!

Check back in next week for PART 4 of this month’s “How to SEXIFY your style!” Missed the last two weeks? Go back to the Friday Takeaway for week one and two!

Have you ever had a really rotten experience with a wingwoman? Share your stories with me and of course, feel free to share this with your girlfriends on social media. I believe we all have much to learn from each other!

Much love,