Sparks! with April Beyer

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The Friday Takeaway

How to Stand Out and Succeed at Online Dating, Part Three

Have you ever wondered why some women meet great guys online, while others are only meeting the ones they don’t want, or worse, getting no attention at all?

While it begins with beautiful photos and a great profile, there is more to it than that. As I mentioned briefly last week, the way you feel about yourself and (believe it or not) about dating in general, actually comes across in your profile. Even if you think it doesn’t, subtle cues about this attitude can cause a man to linger or move on.

This Week’s Tip: Approach Online Dating with a Spirit of Fun

I know, I know, it sounds too simple. But in my significant experience as a dating and relationship expert, I’ve found that the people who succeed at online dating really do enjoy the process. They think of it as a positive step toward meeting new people, despite its inherent ups and downs, and they adopt an open mind about their chances. They aren’t ashamed, embarrassed or impatient, and they aren’t looking at this like it’s their last resort before joining the convent!

For these folks, online dating is simply another avenue for an already flourishing social life, or a chance to meet new people outside of an intimate circle of friends.

You can also make the process more fun by eliminating any kind of deadline or time frame for yourself. It just adds artificial pressure, which is never fun. So instead of going into this with an “I’ll give it three months total” mindset, just plan to let it ride. Those who succeed stick with it for as long as they’re single or available, taking the hit-or-miss aspect in stride.

I know, it can be exhausting at times, and you might feel defeated. It’s easy to hit the pause button or cancel your membership altogether. I get it. But one thing is for sure: you never know when the right person might come across your profile. If you take it down too soon, you could miss out on someone truly wonderful.

Manage Your Expectations

Are you looking for “the one”? Of course you are, but guess what? That’s not the right attitude for online dating. Nothing kills the fun like that kind of pressure!

Approach this as a fun experiment, and enjoy the fact that you’re meeting interesting people. Each time you have a date that doesn’t meet your criteria, just imagine that you’re one step closer to knowing and finding what you really want. If you allow yourself to enjoy connecting with people and you lose your attachment to the outcome, this will be a gratifying journey for you instead of a taxing ordeal.

Keep It Real

Finally, it’s important that this is not your only avenue for meeting men. Otherwise, this will be a daunting and disappointing experience. So get out, meet people in the real world. Make those personal connections each and every day. Even just smiling at someone you don’t know can make a difference.

This holiday season is a great time to be sure you keep all of your options open, from holiday parties, to festive shopping outings and, yes, even a little time on a dating app. Take advantage of the spirit of the season and just enjoy connecting!

Have a fantastic weekend!

Much love,

april-sig-small

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