Every so often an article comes out suggesting women are going to have a hard time finding a mate after they reach a certain event in their lives, or become a certain age. I’m here to tell you that just isn’t the case. Stephanie writes:
Is it true that men like younger women, and that dating will only get more difficult as you get older (and that your options will decrease)? I would love it if you went into more detail on this. As a 32 year old woman, I can’t tell you how much anxiety and stress it has caused me to hear this advice everywhere, about how women “expire” after a certain point. I feel as though my chances for love will pass me by if I don’t find someone now, as I just continue to get older, and presumably less desirable, by the accounts of most dating advice columnists and experts I see out there.
P.S. I love your website and blog! I just recently discovered this and it’s really lifting my spirits a bit, after all the disillusionment I’ve gone through.
Hi Stephanie, I’m so happy that you have found your way here and that my advice is serving you! I want to start by addressing something that is a common problem:
Anyone who is telling you that you have a shelf-life is NOT an expert. You have to ask yourself just who these people are and how they gained their knowledge? I get so frustrated when I hear the superficial, completely inaccurate and unrealistic “advice” that’s being peddled out in the world. Just because someone has dated, it does not make them an expert. Nor is someone an expert just because they decide they are one. Please be careful who you listen to, because they could send you down the wrong path and hurt your chances at love.
I bring couples together for a living and I know what works. I’ve watched countless couples discover each other, and I can tell you unequivocally that love does not know age. I can’t stress this enough.
Let me ask you this: do men become more interesting as they get older? Do they become better partners because of their experience and readiness? Of course they do! Why should you, or any woman, be different?
My matchmaking clients, who are relationship-ready men, want women over 30 because they want someone who is mature and knows how to be in a serious relationship. Who knows all the things that come with being a woman, not a girl.
You do not have an expiration date. You aren’t a carton of milk. You are a constantly evolving, maturing woman who’s gaining the wisdom and experience to be an amazing wife and partner to someone! Age doesn’t make you more or less desirable.
You have to start thinking and feeling that you’re appealing and lovable because of who you are. Your confidence is like a bright light that draws men to you, while your insecurity and fears are what sends them away.
Also, you’re only 32! You are young! This is the perfect age for starting the process of getting ready for love. If you want a family, this is a good time to be thoughtful about your choices in men, and resist running in a panic to choose just anyone in order to beat the clock.
You can’t change your age (nor would you want to), but you can and must change your attitude about this. Stephanie, I hope you read my advice several times this week so you can move about your life with more ease.
Stay with me, I have much more to teach you on this important topic. I can only encourage you to change how you think about your dating life, and allow yourself to enjoy the journey. It’s not a race!
Your friend in love,
P.S. For those of you wanting to become ready for love, my Smart Sexy Soulful Dating™ course teaches you everything you need to know to find the guy that’s perfect for you, and to be prepared for love when you find it! Hope you’re planning to join me. Remember to sign up to be notified when early registration opens!
April,
Seriously, how many of your millionaire clients are asking to be matched to someone whose 49 or older? I am an attractive middle aged 49 year old who is single and also feel frustrated by advise from those who have not walked in my shoes or actually experienced being single later in life. The fact is, as we age our natural beauty fades and there comes a point and time when “they” no longer really do notice you but seem to be looking straight past you to onto something younger in the crowd. As anyone who has hit that crossroads knows, it’s a daunting reality that slaps you right in the face one day and can be very depressing on the onslaught, unfortunately we all face getting older. But its how we respond to it that matters. Getting older and being single doesn’t mean one should just roll over and give up, but, it does not change the mere fact that indeed, dating is much harder as you get older. For a start, they really do not notice you off the street as they once did when you were younger, and those chance meetings become a thing of the past. Attitude is everything. I believe you need to embrace your life where you are at in each moment. I can’t change the fact I’m getting older, but I can appreciate the many blessings I have and the wisdom I have gained by age, something I would never trade in. I have to respectfully disagree with you on your comment “Age doesn’t make you more or less desirable”. My humble advise, to be true to oneself, appreciate your age and who you’ve become, understand that you are really never too old to date and love or to be loved and that love can and does happen at any age. Sometimes we need to start approaching things differently than you are comfortable. I was very conservative growing up. I still am a bit old fashioned I must admit. But as I was younger I would not have dreamt of asking someone on a date. I realize, these attitudes sometimes hurt one more than help and a change of perspective might be in order, i.e. you must be willing to put yourself out there and perhaps actually do the asking or something that makes you uncomfortable. Something I am still not comfortable with, but nonetheless, makes the point that as you get older you have to also be more open to doing things differently and changing ones attitude, take an inventory of what you’ve been doing that hasn’t been working and start approaching things differently. I KNOW its harder as I am living/walking in it, but I still have hope in my heart to meet the man of my dreams and I remain confident that it WILL become a reality for me. Sometimes God has other plans for us than what we think we should be experiencing, I think renewing a trust and faith in God in making a love connection for us can also serve one well. I Don’t want to get all preachy but its important to understand getting older can really be an emotional thing that sneaks up on someone and without really realizing it you are in a deep depression or experiencing some kind of anxiety. Incessant worrying about it doesn’t help, but an awareness of the honest truth should be considered so one doesn’t waste any more time on the wrong attitudes, ideals or men that aren’t working for you but are actually keeping you single and then put a plan in order to approach the old in a new way. For what its worth, I do wish I had considered these things 10 years ago, when it was at least easier to meet someone. Unfortunately, I spent too much time with the wrong person, then too much time being overly picky and constantly looking for something better. Maybe, if I had more seriously taken stock of the fact that one day, my options would actually be fewer combined with the fact that I truly do want a life partner, someone to grow old with….I would have been more successful earlier on rather than still looking on the cusp of turning 50….. well, that’s my 2 cents.
Thanks for the comments April! I got so burned out with online dating and was so discouraged that so many men my age (I’m in my 30s) consider me too “old” to date. However, I am learning to take it less personally. Maybe it’s not that I’m inherently less attractive, but that those men aren’t that relationship ready (not to put down young women in their 20s because I have met very intelligent and mature ones–but there’s no replacement for life experience). I actually wouldn’t want to go back to my 20s and trade in all the life experience that I’ve gained. Those men who dismiss me (who are, by the way, as “old” as me) are missing out and it’s their loss!
Dear April,
we always are tought to be perfect, perfect age, perfect haircut, perfect behaviour, then you find the perfect man to “settle”; if not, you have done something wrong; are you supporting him enough? are you too picky? are you too old now for this and that?
thank you that you show, that it is not only competition and racing also in our private life; I always wanted kids and thought the right will come and there is still hope; I am 43 years now (single), last week my doctor said, well forget it now, your fertility is now getting nearly to “0″; (thank you….doctor, good to know),
thank you April, it is good to know to rethink about the word “settling”,
best regards, Nikola
interms of Age…older smolders !!! being in touch with yourself, living a vivacious, magical, creative life is eternal….love is eternal, soul connections are established in so many life times….and learning to love gets better with age ! a woman can have a man of any age at this point, i’ve had a lover who was 10 years younger and one ten years older ! the older may have been hotter….despite the fact the younger was on the cover of vogue italy for his beauty !!!! my long term relationship was with a man two years younger, although for sure his soul was much older than mine !
…cliche are not for us ! the Heart Moves in mysterious ways….deep and true love, i believe is ageless…its eternal !
Hi April,
I am 49 going to be 50 in a few months and worried that I will not find a man anymore. I keep reading about other women who are in their 40′ and 50′ and having a hard time attracting men or having a long term relationship because the men in their 40′ or 50′ want younger women, what is going on with that ? is it true or is it that those women attract the wrong men ? please could you answer me back ? thank you so much April. A worried recently single woman from France living in Canada.
You’re French, therefore already have an advantageous positive sexy stereotype linked to you!
I’m in my mid 30s and I’m dating a guy who’s a few years younger than me. I agree 100% with April, dating successfully at any age requires being open, confident and honest with yourself. Young guys hit on me all the time and I don’t thinks it’s not ’cause they’re confusing me with Beyonce. I think they’re attracted to my confidence and the ease with which I carry myself.
My advice to anyone in their 30s who’s looking for love is to stop worrying about when or if it will happen and focus on making yourself happy. Your happiness will attract confident and fun guys to you.
Well said, trying to still work on that myself. Looking back I’ve attracted guys when I was at my happiest, like when I was dancing at a party or just laughing and having a great time (even with younger, “hotter” women in the room–who were more physically beautiful but also looked less approachable)
I do hope Stephanie realizes she has a very bright future. She is very young indeed. But it is important to be open to people older and with children at this point in her life. Don’t disregard a man because he’s forty or has a young son…he may be the love of your life! I’m 51 and have 2 sons 15 and 24 and am dating online. Most men crack me up. They will state their age as 50 (and they look 56) but be searching for women 35 to 43 and then contact me at 51, Then question me if I am really 51. Not a good start.
Hi Caroline, i am finding the same thing, iam 50, considered to be attractive, and doing the online dating thing, also seeing the guys who are 45-55 but looking 10 years older, mostly looking for 25-40 age group in women, and constantly being asked are you really 50?, not sure how to take this are they saying i look older or i am really 40 wanting to be 50…lol The male ego really does play a part, and what really surprises me is they really dont have a lot to offer, met quiet a few men in this age group with no financial stability,and yet they still act like a player and seem to be stringing numerous women along, i am getting very frustrated with this on line dating thing
I hear such comments all the time. I am living in my third chapter and yet i want a loving, exciting, generous companion who wants to travel a lot, have friends and an active social life and I just turned 70. A young energetic and exciting 70 but if age matters I wonder if there is someone for me. I cannot change my age and I have an exciting and interesting life–just want someone to share with and to have new experiences and make new memories. What do you think?
Mary Jeanne, I believe loving generative relsationships can happen in any chapter of our lives when we love ourselves enough to be authentic and present. Love is much deeper then our age or how we look and your beloved will know this.
Mary Jeanne, I could have written your comments. I, too, am 70, and have struggled with finding a marriage-minded or committed man at or near my age to make life even better as we share it together. I must be looking in all the wrong places because the men I have dated are not really serious about sustaining a healthy relationship. Both younger (56) and older (71) are all too eager to run away when things start getting serious. I am discouraged but have not given up. Sharing is what makes life better.
being an ‘older’ woman myself, I have had the uncomfortable experience of meeting a middle-age man on a blind date and being unforgiven for being an older woman….. I believe a man’s ego gets in the way of him appreciating what an older woman offers ….. age does matter…not so much for men but for women…and it is more difficult later in life to attract a partner…for long-term….