Sparks! with April Beyer

You are closer than you think.

The Friday Takeaway

Love vs Freedom

Last month I asked my Facebook fans what they like best about being single.

The overwhelming response was…drum roll please…..FREEDOM.

Freedom to make choices without “checking in,” independence, and the ability to do whatever one wants on a moment’s notice. And you know what? I get it. I loved my single days, and when I met my husband I knew I was going to lose the independence I had grown so accustomed to.

Living Consecutive Lives

We have an entire generation of women (no, it’s not just men) who have a case of cold feet when it comes to taking the plunge and cohabitating or getting married. It’s a real fear, and one that women in generations past didn’t experience at this level.

People are marrying a bit later in life and by the time they do, lives have been shaped, friendships have been solidified, and careers defined. It’s all about thriving while being single, not just simply surviving.

That’s right. No more holding your breath until “the one” comes along. You have a busy, full and rich existence. In fact, you love the world you’ve created. Now, where is that person who will be the frame for your photo?

Think about your life as a single person. You can’t wait to meet the love of your life, but you’ve also carved out a schedule, time with friends, time for creative projects, sports, or ski trips and other travel. You have the ability to design your life the way you want to.

There Really Is a Trade Off

Does being in a committed relationship mean you have to give all of that up?

When you’re single you get to be selfish. And although you have no control over when you’ll meet the one, being single for a while can mean that stepping into a day to day, real relationship might freak you out a little bit. I know, I know. You protest: You are ready for love! You’re ready to blend with someone and co-create a future together. But if we’re being totally honest here, the more a woman loves her life, the tougher the challenge of finding the right person. You’ve come so far on your own and somewhere deep inside, you fear you might have to go back in time and lose what you’ve worked so hard for.

That loss of freedom is both real and perceived.

Without a doubt, you’ll have to give up most of your self-centered ways. Being in love means caring about someone. You can’t just do what you want whenever it serves you as that will hurt and exclude the person in your life. So yes, it’s true, you won’t be able to be as independent.

But, here’s the beautiful part.

What you get in return is so much better. That is, if you choose well.

Knowing You Are Truly Ready For Love

The perceived loss of freedom stems from those people who make terrible choices in partners. Of course there’s going to be a smothering effect when you’ve met and fallen in love with the wrong person. The people who make bad choices are those who don’t really know themselves, let alone their partner. And as I always say, knowing yourself is key to finding love.

My advice?

When you’re considering an adult, real, and lasting relationship, consider your lifestyle first. Discover if you have the time for someone, and ask yourself if you’re willing to share and compromise. Then, when you are dating, ask him those deeper questions that will help you learn if he loves what you love, if he loves who you are, and if he loves how you celebrate life.

There are millions of single people in the world. More than enough to go around. Come from abundance and choose wisely. Your future will thank you.

Have You Ever Found Yourself Stifled By Love…?

Now, I want to hear from you. I’d love to hear your honest take on this subject as it’s such a hot button for so many. Have you ever wondered if you truly are ready for commitment? Let’s chat here on the blog!

After all, being in love and having the ability to make a commitment two entirely different things.

Love to you today and always,

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