Sparks! with April Beyer

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One to One with April

One-to-One: What If He’s Not Relationship Ready?

Decoding the language of love is a tricky task, and no two dating dilemmas are exactly the same. “One-to-One” is a space for you to voice your most puzzling romantic predicaments and get the personally tailored answers you need to keep you on track to love.

What happens if the love you attract is from someone who may not be Relationship Ready? What are the new rules given that so many non-functioning marriages are dissolving? Do you have to wait until the divorce, or when the person moves out into his own place? – Emmie

Emmie, there are a lot of things in your note that I want to address. But first, I need to point out you’ve really already answered your own question. If a man is “not Relationship Ready” for any reason, that – by definition – means he’s not. And if he’s not, why are you wasting your time with him?

But okay, if you need dramatic proof, consider the evidence: is he married? Is he living with a wife? Living with an ex-wife? I suspect that deep down you already know the truth. If a man isn’t single, he just isn’t Relationship Ready, period. There are no new rules when it comes to finding someone who is going to make a great boyfriend or husband.

So let’s take a look at the real key to resolving your situation. You asked “what happens [emphasis mine] if the love you attract is from someone who may not be relationship ready?” Emmie, what happens is whatever you decide to make happen. Because you are in charge of the situation.

You’re smart, capable, and perfectly able to take decisive action and make the right choice for yourself. I do have three suggestions for you, and I hope you’ll implement all three:

  1. Move on! Don’t waste your time with a guy that isn’t ready.
  2. Realize that if you’re attracting this kind of attention, you yourself are not Relationship Ready.
  3. Then do what you need to do to get yourself ready – for the RIGHT kind of man. That might mean spending more time on my site, spending some time journaling and letting go of the past, freshening up your image to boost your confidence, and treating yourself as your own best friend. Commit to taking steps in the coming year to develop a better sense of your authentic self, so you can determine what you want and deserve in a guy.

Emmie, your life is yours to live! Trust your instincts and don’t settle for someone you have to wait around on. You deserve a guy that’s ready for you!

Having a hard time making sense of your love life? I’d love to help! Leave your love-related queries in the comments and check back every Wednesday. Each week I’ll choose a question for the “One-to-One” treatment.

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