With Valentine’s Day upon us, I thought this might be a good time to get back to some dating basics. It’s so easy to slip back into your tried and true routine, absorbing all the conflicting and misguided information out there. Are you a princess on a white horse? No. You’re a real woman, and believing in myths are not going to get you any closer to the loving relationship you want!
So with that in mind, grab yourself some decadent high-end chocolate, and let’s free you from the Three Biggest Dating Myths that so often can get in your way.
Myth #1: Dating is a Skill
Many women have the impression that it’s possible to be “good” or “bad” at dating, and that dating well is a learned behavior – a skill you need to master. They believe only proficient daters will find love and marriage.
This idea implies the way you are on a date should be different somehow from the way you are with your best friend, or with a family member. Luckily, this isn’t true.
In fact, successful dating is simply relating.
So forget about perfecting your dating skills, and instead, work on your relationship skills. They will get you a lot further, I promise you. For example, rather than challenge men with your presence, instead, make it comfortable and easy to be around you, the way you would any other relationship. The way to do this? Just by being you.
Marriage-minded men are invested in finding the one. They aren’t interested in any games or strategies you’ve picked up to try on them. Any man who is relationship-ready is looking for someone they can feel a special connection with, someone they can easily relate to and enjoy being around.
Dating Myth #2: Mystery Holds a Man’s Interest
This myth tells women that if you’re mysterious men will be more captivated and drawn to you. That’s terrible advice! And this is one of the hardest myths to break!
Our popular culture constantly reinforces the idea that being mysterious is compelling to men. This leaves women acting strange, because deep down they’re confused about what they should reveal about themselves. They’re afraid to give too much, and they try to stay ever so slightly out of reach. This is ridiculous, and yet I see this every day in my coaching sessions. So much confusion out there!
Here’s the reality: Being slightly out of reach doesn’t work!
If the caliber of men you want to meet are successful, busy, relationship-minded men – guess what? They don’t have time for mystery. When you’re aloof or withdrawn, it backfires, giving a man the impression that you aren’t interested, aren’t ready, or aren’t available. It can even make you seem, to be honest, not very deep.
Mystery only works on men who aren’t ready to commit. This means you get into a situation that isn’t sustainable, and in which you can easily get hurt. And when it ends, you’ve just completely wasted your time.
Women are complicated enough already, and trying to be mysterious can really hurt your chances at love. Relationship-ready men are looking for a woman who is open and receptive.
So try this instead: Be an open book. Be the woman anyone can know quickly and easily.
This doesn’t mean taking control and trying to force things to happen between you, it simply means that you are open, honest, receptive, personable and warm.
Don’t be afraid to let your guard down. You’ve got to be fearless here. A woman who is emotionally accessible is like a breath of fresh air! This is the kind of woman that marriage-minded men pursue.
Dating Myth #3: Chemistry is Only Found in the Stars
This myth tells you that chemistry is rare and elusive, and that if it’s not there, you can’t do anything about it. It’s comforting to imagine chemistry as something that just happens, something you have absolutely no control over. If that’s true, then you have the perfect excuse when a connection with a man doesn’t happen, right?
Most people are under the false impression that chemistry is about looks, or common interests. Not having chemistry is one of the most common reasons both men and women give for not wanting to pursue each other.
But why is it that a man ends up falling in love with a woman that isn’t his physical ideal, or who doesn’t seem to share any of his common interests?
The truth is, chemistry can actually be created! It’s surprisingly easy to do.
Chemistry is an active process of connection, and it requires your participation. Your femininity is powerful, and with it, you are inspiring. No matter how relationship-ready, a man still needs to be inspired to approach you and to pursue you for a serious relationship.
One way to inspire chemistry is to make it your goal to bring out the best in someone you meet. Instead of asking questions that don’t matter to him and are only being asked as a way of qualifying him, focus on what you believe truly matters to HIM.
Think of it this way, we all want to be around the people, places and things where WE feel our best.
This Valentine’s Day, whether you’re currently single, dating someone new or in a solid relationship, decide to shed old ideas that have kept you from really living authentically and keeping love at bay.
And remember… you’re closer than you think!