I meet a lot of women in my career, and each day I hear from women who second guess themselves when it comes to men. They get caught up in the unfortunate idea that men are elusive, afraid to fall in love, and difficult to understand.
I also, of course, work with some of the most eligible bachelors in the country: leaders in their industries, brilliant surgeons, CEO’s and venture capitalists. To the outside world, they are strong, alpha males — men who could easily spend their lives as confirmed bachelors, dating random women.
But when I work with these men, I see something else. I see behind that alpha image to the real person, as they share their stories with me and express their desire to find one woman who will catch their attention and capture their hearts.
Men Are Not Mysterious
When men are ready to fall in love, their emotions are much like ours. They feel excited at the prospect of new love, nervous if she doesn’t call back right away, sad when they lose a girl they care for, and filled with gratitude and emotion when they finally find the woman of their dreams.
Matchmaking is a complicated and layered process that requires me to take the full person into account. And when I identify the woman I feel is truly the best match for my client, it then becomes totally up to her win his heart, which she cannot do if she’s laboring under stereotypes about what men want.
This brings me to the quick question Patricia sent in to me this week. She asks:
April, how do I win a man’s heart?
Patricia, thank you for this question! Very simple and to the point. And yet, finding a way into a man’s heart can seem like the toughest thing in the world sometimes, right? Well, it doesn’t have to be. Here’s the really good news: Men are very basic with their needs.
Now, before I get a ton of emails telling me otherwise, I want to explain that this is a good thing. When my male clients come to me with their “ideal woman” list, it’s usually very simple and straightforward. They actually choose a woman based on a feeling (a very good thing) rather than on an intellectual list of must-have’s.
Three Loving Actions
Next time you’re with a man you like and care about, decide right away that you’re going to be real, authentic and powerfully feminine.
1. Be the Woman He Feels Safe With. This means you offer an open mind and a compassionate ear. You’re there to love, not judge. In your presence, he feels alive, powerful and accepted.
2. Be Equally As Receptive As You Are Giving. Women are very good at giving, but we’ve lost the art of receiving along the way. If you’re not good at receiving compliments, affection, love and attention, work on this. Make room for him to be giving. It’s how a man feels his worth when he’s with you.
3. Make Love Easy. Men who are ready to find love aren’t looking for a complicated relationship that takes forever to get off the ground. Marriage-minded men do not want a woman who plays the mystery card, or who plays hard to get. Love is not a game. It’s a journey.
A man’s heart, when open and ready, is truly beautiful, and easy to touch when you know and are being yourself. Your truth and emotional availability are what will truly win a man’s heart.
Thanks for the question, Patricia!
Ladies, start being your most authentic self, and enjoy yourselves out there!