This week we hear from Lori, who worries she doesn’t have the skills she needs to find the partner she really wants.
I used to be very religious and believe that the man should pursue the woman. So, I waited and waited. Now, I’m in my late 30’s and I want someone to share my life with. I don’t know how to tell if a guy likes me or how to let someone know I’m interested. I don’t want to seem desperate. I’m REALLY bad at dropping hints and I want to be pursued. Help me, April. I don’t want to be single forever.
Lori, I can tell you’re frustrated so my first piece of advice is to take a deep breath. I know you’re feeling panicked but this won’t serve you and will certainly not help you choose the right man. First of all, love does not know age. I’ve introduced hundreds of couples of all ages and the best part is that it feels the same for everyone. Please stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You have your own timing and readiness.
A Few Things To Keep In Mind
1. Update your perspective
You have an old belief that a man should pursue a woman but that doesn’t mean you should be passively “waiting.” My guess is that you’ve been confused, so you aren’t being proactive enough with your personal life. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’m old school about courtship, but I’m also the first one to say that every quality, relationship ready man needs a woman who knows how to participate and show interest in him.
2. Relax. Your job is easy.
Provided you know how to be approachable, you have nothing to worry about. If a man is interested, he’s going to find a way to meet you and ask you out. No need to “drop hints” here! You’re allowing your confusion to rule your behavior instead of choosing to trust your instincts.
3. Redefine “desperate.”
Desperate women hunt men down and put their own feelings, morals, values and principles aside just to be with a man. You won’t be considered desperate simply by smiling, saying hello and enjoying conversations with the men you meet.
Have you been participating in my Friday Takeaways? This is a weekly feature designed to get you out and meeting men. This month we’ll be taking a look at eight great questions to ask on a date. Some of these could also come in handy as ice breakers.
Finally, Lori, I should mention that I teach all of the above skills and much, much more in my Smart Sexy Soulful Dating™ Course beginning this March. I think you will greatly benefit, as I created it for women just like yourself! I hope you’ll consider joining us.
Your friend in love,
Lori wrote: “I used to be very religious and believe that the man should pursue the woman. So, I waited and waited. Now, I’m in my late 30’s and I want someone to share my life with. I don’t know how to tell if a guy likes me or how to let someone know I’m interested. I don’t want to seem desperate. I’m REALLY bad at dropping hints and I want to be pursued.”
Lori, is there a special guy you know that you want to pursue you?
Women are by nature indirect communictors. Which means they express what they mean one way, but it actually means another.
Lori asks the question of how do you know if a guy likes you? Well there is only one way to find out . . .ASK! If Lori does have a love interest, but is too shy or not sure enough about herself to find out how he feels, then Yes, she is wasting her time.
Also there is nothing wrong in telling a man you like him. That is not being desperate, but honest. So Lori, if there is a special man you are crazy about, then let him know. If he does not feel the same you can move on. Right?
That was supposed to say NOT sitting at a table alone…
Lennie,
It sounds like you’ve been listening to my advice on my Smart Sexy Soulful CD’s! So happy to know that the word is getting out there and women are listening!
I agree with April on all three of her points (no surprise). I believe a man should pursue a woman, but a woman needs to make herself seen in the world so that the man knows she exists. This can be done a variety of ways these days… from going out alone by yourself to restaurants—and sitting at a table alone or burying your nose in your iPhone, but instead sitting at the counter, engaging the people sitting next to you, and your server, and of course SMILING. You need to be approachable if you want a man to approach you. Additionally, you can join all sorts of social groups to meet people. Time to break out of your routine, step away from the delivery menus & TV remote and head out into the world.
I also agree that dropping hints is not necessary. If you are interested in a man, whether you like it or not, your body gestures will reveal this to him… playing with your hair, shifting in your seat, crossing your legs, etc.
I also agree with April’s third point… SMILING (so important) is not going to make you look desperate. Going up to a man and giving him your number, on the other hand, might… it will definitely make you look easy which is not what you want if you’re looking for a serious, long term committed relationship.