Sparks! with April Beyer

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The Friday Takeaway

What Millennial Women Should Know About Dating, Part 1

This month, I’m guest blogging over at the online magazine Miss Millenia. This is part one of a two-part series. Enjoy! And please share with anyone you know who could use this information!

Romance has a way of sweeping you off your feet and insisting that you throw caution to the wind. It’s all part of the whirlwind of excitement that’s packaged into the first stages of dating, love and connection. It’s a literal high and oh so intoxicating.

Right now, the world is at your feet. You have big choices ahead of you both personally and professionally. You have youth on your side and in your pocket. Life experiences await you. You’re meeting different types of men and falling in and out of love, including falling down and getting back up again. It’s the Millennial dating dance.

Dating Is Supposed to be Challenging

I wish I could give you a magic potion to ensure you never get hurt, frustrated, lonely or heartbroken. To round out the rough edges that come with dating in your 20s and smooth every corner for you. But, that would keep you from all the stories of your life. The lessons that will make you a stronger and smarter woman.

There is a way, however, to minimize potential pain and maximize potential opportunities all at the same time.

You’re young and it’s important to have experiences, but you have to be careful. Too many negative experiences can accumulate over the years and make you old and shut down well before your time. Ever notice how some women almost start to look like they’re permanently frowning as they get older? That’s more than age and gravity. It’s a loss of hope from the crushing blows of failed romance, bitter divorces and sharing ones heart with too many of the “wrong guys” in a lifetime. It’s bound to take a toll on us. After all, we’re women. We’re supposed to be soft and sensitive. It’s what men love about us!

Hope and Optimism

The beauty of youth, that magical thing that makes this time in your life so appealing to men (and women), is your fresh (not innocent) and open outlook on life.

With age and experience, some women lose this openness along the way. So take good emotional care of yourself now, so you can retain all the freshness of youth well into your 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. How can you gain experience and wisdom at the same time, all while taking really good care of yourself?

Here are my top three ways to be smart about your dating life, while having fun along the way!

1. Date Smart with Your Heart

This simply means: keep your heart open but never check your brain at the door. A guy you like who only calls every couple of weeks wants to see you at midnight? The answer is no. No matter how gorgeous he is. Don’t sacrifice your boundaries for someone else. It’s not vulnerability and an open heart that gets you hurt, it’s making bad choices when deep down you know better. It’s putting your instincts aside, no matter how loud they’re screaming at you to cut and run. To be clear, putting up walls doesn’t keep you safe. That actually works against you and attracts all the wrong men. Having a good head on your shoulders, and combining that with an open heart will serve you well. When you know how to do this, you’re a woman who generates love wherever she goes and never feels the need to guard her heart. That will help you find the love that is right for you.

2. Have Fun and Enjoy Dating

Get your eye off target of marriage. That will come soon enough. Instead, worry less about where a relationship is going and enjoy the moments, hours and days you’re spending with someone. We’ve all made the mistake of working way too hard to make a lighthearted flirtation into a serious relationship. Too much focus on the future will make you miss out on the present. It’s okay that some of your relationships will be temporary and fleeting. Not every one of them is going to go the distance. Remember, you only need “one.” The rest is practice, and information.

3. Don’t Compare Your Love Journey

You’re friends are starting to get engaged and married and suddenly you’re feeling left out. “When is it going to be my turn?” you ask. You’ve been to a few weddings and baby showers and although you’re happy for your friends, (truly you are!) you can’t help but feel sad and discouraged. Their story is not yours. Have faith that your time will come. I matched couples for a living all throughout my 20’s and I wasn’t married. In fact, I had a serious long term boyfriend who never wanted to get married! I knew if I started to compare or feel the slightest bit of jealousy, my success in my matchmaking business would disappear.

Stay in your lane. Keep going. Love your life as it unfolds to you, in every perfect moment.

You are unique, and when you trust that the universe has its own timing and plan for your future, you’ll see yourself start to let go of any preconceived ideas or notions. You know the saying, “God laughs when you make plans.”

Next week, in Part 2, I’ll share three more tips and give you my proven advice about what to do while you’re waiting for your Prince Charming to appear.

Post your comments and questions below. I’d love to know how your dating journey is going!

Much love, as always,

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