Sparks! with April Beyer

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The Friday Takeaway

What Millennial Women Should Know About Dating, Part 2

In part one of this series, I shared three ways to make dating in your 20s and 30s more enjoyable and rewarding. Dating at this time in your life should have a level of ease, and although you’re serious about finding a great guy, it’s important to have fun along the way!

Which brings me to today’s topic: Dating with Technology Is Not Enough

Technology makes your dating life easier: True or false?

Utilizing email, social media, texts, and apps like Kik or Tinder to communicate with friends and the men you date is very likely a part of your life, and sometimes a lot of fun. But while technology keeps you in communication, it also keeps you in front of your computer, or staring down at your phone. And if you’re staring at a screen, you aren’t noticing what – or who – is around you.

Technology offers a false illusion of being connected. What you may not realize is that it’s actually keeping you out of the game of life. If dating is a scary big mountain you think you have to climb, that’s only because you haven’t practiced putting yourself out there in a real way.

After all, dating is just relating. And technology (if you’re not careful) can rob you of that practice. More importantly, it can rob you of your magnetic presence: your natural ability to engage, to flirt, to use your voice and body to convey organically what’s special and unique about you.

If your dating avenues are all digital, you’re only using a fraction of your senses, and that’s limiting. Here are three important things you can do right now to utilize ALL aspects of yourself when it comes to dating:

1. Stop Texting. Just Call. (Yes, CALL.)

Men tell me every day that they choose sending a text over calling because so many women prefer this mode of communication. You and I both know that’s not true. It’s more of a cop out and a habit. Wouldn’t you prefer for a guy you like to actually pick up the phone instead of texting you for a date? Of course you would! So, the next time you get a text from someone, use the phone to respond. I promise you, he will be pleasantly surprised. Break the cycle of this second rate way of communicating, by leading by example. And if you get a text from someone new, simply text, “Would love to hear your voice. Give me a call when you can.”

It’s simple, direct and it’s an invitation, not a demand. It’s powerfully feminine and invites romance.

2. Take Online Offline As Soon As Possible.

Did you know that relationships created online have a shelf life? It’s important that these new encounters are taken offline as quickly as possible. You’re not in a relationship if you’ve never met and weeks or months have gone by. Be careful not to create an emotional connection with a guy you’ve never met, because it could keep you out of the dating game for too long, all for someone who hasn’t even stepped up to the plate. If you’re corresponding with someone online, he should be asking to get together within 1-2 weeks of the initial contact — if he’s actually serious about getting to know you.

Get out and into the real world with someone as soon as you can. This allows the potential connection and chemistry to flourish, and if it doesn’t, then you can move on quickly and easily.

3. Seek Out In-Person Connections and Value Them.

You’re a tech goddess and a whiz with text messages. You write with flair and style, and somehow, it’s easier to say what you want and need via email or text. Don’t worry, you’re not alone; young women all over the world are hiding behind their smart phones. But you’re cheating yourself out of some really great connections if that’s the only way you meet guys. Limit how much you try to meet people via technology, and instead get out to catch up with your friends and find connections in real life.

If you’re looking for a steady relationship, make sure your friends know this and ask them to set you up in person with single guys they think might be your type. Further, make it a point to be present and alive in the world, so you can see who is drawn to your smile, your energy and your charm. Speak to people around you and make eye contact with them, even if they aren’t someone you’re interested in dating. You’ll notice as you do that more and more connections can be made that way.

This is practice! You never know who might be standing nearby one day. You want to be sure you don’t overlook each other!

 This is Your Time

Remember, dating at any time in your life is supposed to be fun and rewarding, with a healthy dose of chemistry and butterflies in your stomach. Don’t let the fact that everyone else is obsessed with technology keep you from truly living and truly experiencing all the moments that go into a dating journey. Your heart, spirit, mind and body are organic, living aspects of being human and alive. There is no digital replacement for letting those parts of you fully encounter and experience a romantic connection with another person.

Get to know yourself and what you want. Be warm, open and approach your love life with your values in mind. Listen to your instincts. If an approach isn’t serving you, change it to something more in alignment with your values. I promise you’ll see the world (and men) stand up and take notice!

What’s been your experience? Have you had great relationships both online and off? What worked and what didn’t. Let me know in the comments!

Much love, as always,

april-sig-small

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