Sparks! with April Beyer

You are closer than you think.

The Friday Takeaway

What to Look For if You Really Want to Find Love Online

Can you meet a truly great guy on an online dating site? This may seem like a question with an obvious answer. Of course, right? There have to be great guys out there looking, just like you are. And yet you — and every other single gal you know — complains about the off-putting challenges of finding that special someone through a keypad and screen. The fact is that it’s possible, it just isn’t easy.

Too Many Ninjas!

Let’s be honest – one reason is that, while there are certainly a lot of men online, a huge majority aren’t going to be what you’re looking for. This makes it tempting to compromise your values and give someone a chance, simply because the guy you’re hoping to meet hasn’t made an appearance yet. But this approach backfires, taking your time and attention away from meeting the right person, and it also discourages you, giving you the (inaccurate) sense that there are no great guys out there.

While I always advocate being open to a man who’s not your typical “type” or age range, I don’t mean you should compromise on quality and what that means to you. A constant stream of options gets you closer to the one, but settling does not. Most importantly, you need to keep a close eye on character. So much online can be disguised or misrepresented. So instead of trying to fit the wrong guy into your life, make it a point to get really good at reading between the profile lines to identify high-quality, suitable candidates. Here’s my go to list of what to look for, and what to look out for:

What to Look For

• His profile gives you just a peek (not his entire life story) into his life: his interests, passions, family and friends
• He describes YOU in what he’s looking for (your look, your personality)
• He shares your values and what is most important to you
• His idea of personal goals (kids, no kids, travel, etc.) are in alignment with yours
• He writes about his past, present and future (he’s well rounded and honest)
• He seems kind, warm, friendly and open
• He’s intelligent
• He’s positive and upbeat (no drama)

What To Look Out For

• He’s recently separated
• He’s “dipping his toe in the dating water” and just “trying this out”
• He’s interested in friendships and casual relationships
• He brags about himself, his accomplishments and what a fine catch he is
• He says it’s your job to prove that “good guys finish first”
• He talks about sex
• He posts shirtless photos (it’s even worse if they’re bathroom shots)
• He’s looking for someone 10 years younger
• He goes overboard with how “ready” for a relationship he really is (who’s he trying to convince?)

Remember the key here is quality over quantity. Don’t feel you have to pay attention to everyone who expresses interest or wants to connect. Instead, make sure a man is qualified to be your potential partner, before you invest any time. Only go for quality men.

Tales to Tell?

I’d love to hear your stories about online dating. Any lapses in judgment we could all learn from? Have a great story about virtual chemistry that fizzled IRL? Let us know in the comments, especially if you have any great tips or tricks!

Much love, as always,

april-sig-small

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