Sparks! with April Beyer

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When Your “I Love You” Is Met With Silence

Not the response you want, right? It can be mortifying to have expressed your inner self with those three little words, only to get nothing in return but the solemn serenade of chirping crickets. This is what Patricia is dealing with.

My heart is in pain. I recently met a guy whom I fell in love with and the other day I accidentally said “I love you.” Since then he’s been distant, and hasn’t been in touch as usual. Did I make a huge mistake? Was I a fool or should I just let go of this guy and move on? Thanks for your advice.

Patricia, just last week on an episode of “New Girl” they explored this very same topic, so this is quite timely! Characters Jess and Nick are dating when all of a sudden, he can’t help himself and tells her he loves her. When she doesn’t respond, he begins his quest to take it all back and pretend it never happened. He eventually learns that she really does love him, but was having a tough time saying it back. Later, she loudly professes her love in a party full of people. They kiss. Fade out.

The feeling of love is never an accident. It’s pure. It lives in us like the very breath we breathe. Denying it is like asking yourself to go against your natural state.

One important thing I want you to know, Patricia. Your gift of love is just that. A gift. It cannot be tied to the reciprocation or return of the intended affection.

I’ll explain.

We all want to love the man who loves us back, right? Otherwise, it would be solo tennis and that’s not a good place for anyone to be.

However, if the serve is not returned, you have the choice to move on and find someone who loves and expresses love the way you do. Telling someone you love them doesn’t hold you hostage. It’s an expression of how you feel, and what is more beautiful or honest than that? If you meant it, then don’t regret it or try and take it back. The man you’re dating just might need some more time to say it back, which is fine if he’s treating you with love and care.

Rest assured, you can’t ruin a new relationship by being heartfelt. It’s just not possible.

I wrote in detail on this topic a few months ago, and you can read more here: Should You Say the “L” Word First?

Bringing it back to all of my Sparks! readers, has this happened to you? Were you the first one to drop the “L” word and wanted to instantly swallow your words? Would love to hear from you on this. Share your story in the comments!

Much love,
april-sig-small

6 Responses to “When Your “I Love You” Is Met With Silence”

  1. Patricia says:

    Thank you April.

  2. Ilza says:

    This is a very interesting subject. I also told the man in my life that I love him and was met with silence! We have a long distance relationship, he is in Europe and I’m in SA, and was afraid that he was going to run. But eventually I got a ‘Lots of love to you’ and we are still together after three months. I do think for some people its more difficult to openly say it!

  3. Nancy says:

    I wonder why people don’t talk about their relationships with each other, where they are at, and at what level they are at. Then when you are both comfortable with saying “I love you” it can be freely exchanged between you along with whatever other affection comes with it. I delve into what a man means when he says “I love you.” What does that mean to him when he says it. It doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to everyone. I think communicating about your relationship and where it is, where you would like to see it go will give you the answers to when it will be mutually beneficial to declare your love.

  4. Michelle says:

    An approach that really works for me is to love without expectations. The man that I love isn’t able to share his love as freely as I am, maybe he’s afraid. I love this man with every fiber in my soul and that is not based on “where he is” or what he’s able to express or not express at times. I KNOW without a doubt that this man loves me too, it’s just so powerful and at some point he will become more comfortable embracing the freedom of complete love at every level.

  5. terri says:

    Is there really a difference between “I LOVE YOU” and “IAM IN LOVE WITH YOU “???

  6. CMC says:

    This is interesting I encountered this same issue, but we can not help how we feel. Love is powerful and you can either live in fear or live in feeling. Being authentic to who you are and how you feel is the best way to live, anything less than being who you are is only short changing your true self. Any person that truly cares for you even if they are not in love with you will see that and not run.

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