Sparks! with April Beyer

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One to One with April

Why Do We Want What We Can’t Have?

What happens when you have great chemistry with a man who neglects to mention he’s married? Do you still want him? Why? That’s what Kim wants to know.

April, I need your advice: what happens when a man contacts me after seven years and wants to get close. We used to work at the same company, and have always been attracted to each other. I would love nothing more than to be with him. There’s a problem though – he’s married and forgot to tell me. I told him I wouldn’t betray his wife, but I still want him.

Why is it we want what we can’t have?

Kim, first of all, this man did not “forget” to tell you he’s married. He simply chose not to tell you. Forgetting being married is like forgetting that you have two arms and two legs; it’s really not possible.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever been married, but if you have, you know this is nothing to mess around with. My first question to you is why do you want this man? Sometimes, yes, the fact that you can’t have him could be what makes him so appealing, but is that something to base a relationship on? Trust me, it’s not.

I take marriage very seriously. It’s what I do for a living – I create marriage and family for others.

My advice is to stay away from him. There are plenty of men out there who are not attached or married. Men who can fully devote themselves to a relationship with you. Don’t sell yourself short by going for a man who can only offer you fifty percent.

It’s too easy to attract an unhappily married man. Most women could do that in their sleep so don’t be flattered. You might even hear that his marriage is less than wonderful. Let him deal with his own life without having you as a back up.

Be smart, and be the woman who has self-esteem and self-control.

But I’m also a married woman, and in that sense, I speak for millions of women all over the world when I advise you to steer clear of him. Don’t do that to another woman. Be part of a sisterhood that says no to married men. With an affair, everyone loses.

Good for you for saying that you won’t betray his wife. When you marry someone, you become family. There are many people involved when an affair destroys a marriage. One day you’ll be married, and a woman may interested in your husband. You’ll look back on this time and be glad you made the right decision. You don’t know this woman, but we are all connected. There wouldn’t be affairs and cheating men if women just said no.

I’d like to hear from the rest of you. Did you have to learn this lesson the hard way? If so, please share your stories in the comments. I believe we all can learn from each other’s experiences.

Until next time,

April Beyer Signature

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