Why Are You Still Single?

Why Are You Still Single?

It’s the go-to question everyone seems to be asking (or least thinking about) on first dates. 

What’s your response when asked why you’re still single? Head for the exit door? Deflect the question or tell your date it’s “too soon” for such a personal topic? 

If you’re looking for a better approach to create a deeper connection, here’s my top 10 list for how to respond next time you’re asked this question.

1. Take the Compliment. Yes, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but this question is a compliment to you. Turn it around and make it a positive. No one would ask this silly question unless they noticed that you’re pretty amazing. Your confidence will dictate how you receive this question.
2. Relax. You’re not on a stopwatch so don’t be so quick to answer. Take your time. Sit back, relax and make eye contact. Your best response is the one that’s authentic.
3. Forgive. This is a typical, default question men and women tend to ask when they’re nervous or haven’t yet learned how to connect on a more thoughtful and meaningful level.  No one’s trying to hurt you, they simply don’t know any better. Compassion goes a long way in your dating life.
4. Put Your Guard Down. You’re not on trial so no need to defend your life. Speak your truth, not the story you might have created to protect yourself.
5. Be Brief. No need to recite your entire relationship CV. Keep it short, simple and direct. 
6. Listen. Really listen to what you’re being asked. When was the last time you actually gave this some thought? Most people spend time planning a canned answer rather than focusing on why they truly are single. You don’t need a “reason”. You only need an understanding of yourself and why you’ve made certain life choices. Remember, single is not a four-letter word. It’s totally ok that you’re single. Besides, if you weren’t, that lucky person wouldn’t have the opportunity to sit across from you, now would they!
7. Have Gratitude. Begin your answer with “thank you.” At this point, you’re going to assume the question is coming from curiosity and possible interest, so thank them for this. There’s a lot of people out there who wouldn’t even care enough to inquire. 
8. Deepen the Conversation. This is a great jumping off point to create a deeper connection. Try: “I’m curious why you would ask me this.” Your response should be out of curiosity, not attitude. You’ll be amazed what you get back and suddenly, you’ll be diving into an interesting conversation that sheds light on who this person is. Caution: This is not meant to avoid the original question. Give your thoughtful response and then return the favor.
9. No Excuses. “I just haven’t met the right person” doesn’t require much introspection. Besides, if you’re over the age of 40, no one’s buying it. Why? Because you’re awesome and it’s hard to believe no one has snatched you up yet. It also might leave your date feeling insecure that they’re not the “right person” either. Remember, it’s not about what’s wrong with you, but more about why haven’t you chosen anyone yet. If you’re separated or divorced, you can touch on this and respond that you’ve been taking the time to reflect and get to know yourself as a single person.
10. Embrace Your Story. If you feel good about the life you’ve lived, we will too! Own your story and you’ll exude confidence everywhere you go.

First dates can be amazing but they can also be challenging and awkward if both parties are staying on superficial topics. A smarter way to date is asking only the questions that are meaningful to you and the person you’re with. You’ll enjoy your dates more and find yourself learning more through listening and observation.