If you’ve been “out there” in the dating world at all in the last 5 years, chances are you’ve been ghosted. Or you’ve ghosted.
No judgement here…Well, maybe a little…But I do get it; studies show that if you’ve been ghosted, you’re more likely to do the same to someone else.
There are lots of reasons people ghost:
Confusion:
Your partner might need time alone to sort out their feelings. Remember, your time frame isn’t always the same for your partner.
Fear:
No one wants to be the bad guy. Some people ghost in order to avoid making the first move of breaking up to take the responsibility off their shoulders.
Someone else is in the picture:
Difficult pill to swallow, but when the person you’re seeing has met someone else, they might ghost you as a way of avoiding telling you the truth.
So, if we’ve all experienced this painful and frustrating form of relationship dissolution, why do we allow ourselves to continue the trend?
My solution:
If you’ve been following me a while, you know I believe in transparency, honesty, and responsibility in dating. I maintain a firm growth belief in personal relationships, which means I believe that relationships can (and do) evolve, change, and grow positively over time.
As a result, you’ve heard me preach this over and over: “Even if you aren’t sure about attraction/chemistry, try a second date!” You’d be amazed how many relationships I’ve helped create because of this simple belief in “growth”.
At my company, LEVEL, we’ve created an accountability program within our matching system that eliminates ghosting all together. We require (private) feedback, and an answer to the question “Would you be open to seeing this person again?” We then communicate with both parties so that no one is ever left in the dark. Sounds nice, right?
According to a fascinating 2018 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people with a growth belief system, are less likely to use ghosting as a mode of ending a relationship.
Coincidence? I think not.
So, what should you do if you’ve been ghosted? If a reasonable amount of time has passed, my advice is to write your boyfriend/date a note asking for transparency. No matter what it is. Let him know that you’re capable of hearing the truth and you’re listening.
In other words, make it easy for them to step forward and be responsible. If they continue to avoid communication, at the very least, you know exactly where you stand. Onward!
-XOXO
April
