In leadership, relatability isn’t just a soft skill—it’s a superpower. It’s what allows us to build trust, spark engagement, and create lasting connections with our teams and audiences. But have you ever wondered what’s happening in our brains when we truly connect with someone? Neuroscience reveals fascinating insights about how our brains are wired for connection and how understanding these mechanisms can make us better, more empathetic leaders.
As a speaker and relationship expert, I’ve seen firsthand how these scientific principles come to life in the workplace and on stage. Today, we’ll explore how brain science can improve your ability to connect, inspire, and lead.
The Neuroscience of Connection: Why We Crave Relatability
Human beings are wired for connection. Our brains have evolved to seek out bonds with others because those connections historically ensured our survival. When we feel connected to someone, our brains release oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone.” This chemical fosters trust, empathy, and a sense of safety—all essential elements of effective leadership.
I remember working with a client who was struggling to connect with her team. Despite her expertise, she often felt isolated from her employees. I asked her about her daily interactions and how often she stopped to talk with their team beyond her professional objectives. Sadly, I learned she wasn’t actively seeking connection and, therefore, was experiencing a feeling of isolation. Once we explored the science of connection, she began shifting her focus from delivering instructions to creating conversations. Curiosity and compassion became the foundation for engagement, and the connections were fostered. The transformation was remarkable. Her team not only started listening but actively collaborating, and it all stemmed from her intentional focus on building trust and rapport. The best part? My client felt more supported in her leadership and her vision for the company.
Why Relatability Is Essential for Leadership
Relatability activates our brain’s mirror neurons, which are responsible for empathy. When you share a story, show vulnerability, or simply acknowledge another person’s experience, their brain reacts as if they’re experiencing it too. This creates a sense of alignment and trust.
For example, when I speak to audiences about leadership, I don’t just talk about the successes. I share the challenges and mistakes that shaped me. My hopes and dreams. Vulnerability is the bridge that connects your story to others. Without it, it’s impossible to be relatable or to bring it out in others. Relatability is the glue that keeps us together in life, love, and career. Like all relationships, leadership isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being real.
Practical Neuroscience for Leaders: How to Build Relatable Connections
Here are three neuroscience-backed strategies to improve relatability in leadership:
1. Leverage the Power of Stories
Stories are processed by multiple areas of the brain, making them far more engaging than mere facts or data. They activate the sensory and emotional centers, helping your audience feel what you’re saying rather than just hearing it.
When I tell stories in my talks, I don’t just share the polished, happy endings. I walk people through the messy middle—the doubts, the lessons, and the breakthroughs. My goal is to create a connection to offer my audience not only tangible advice but also an engaged, emotional experience. Emotions create shared memories and this is where relatability begins. We don’t need to have the same story. But we can and should relate to the emotions of our stories.
- Create Psychological Safety
Our brains are constantly scanning for threats, even in professional settings. When people feel judged or dismissed, their brain’s amygdala (the fear center) activates, shutting down creativity and openness. Leaders who foster psychological safety activate the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for problem-solving and innovation.
To create this safety, focus on active listening. Ask thoughtful questions, validate emotions, and avoid rushing to judgment. This approach signals to your team that their voices matter, creating an environment where they feel safe to share ideas and take risks. Safety is created with dedicated time and care. If your goal is collaboration and inspired action, then a safe space for people to share and add value is a top priority for leadership.
3. Use Empathy to Build Trust
Empathy isn’t just a leadership buzzword—it’s a neurological necessity for building trust. The more you show that you understand your team’s struggles and aspirations, the more oxytocin is released, reinforcing the connection.
During one of my workshops, a participant shared how her willingness to acknowledge her team’s burnout shifted the dynamic in her organization. By showing empathy, she not only gained her team’s trust but also inspired them to re-engage with their work.
Relatability in Action: Stories That Stick
The leaders who leave the greatest impressions aren’t the ones with the most accolades; they’re the ones who connect with their audience’s emotions. Neuroscience shows us that emotions drive memory, meaning people remember how you made them feel far more than what you said.
For instance, I once spoke to a group of leaders about overcoming failure. Instead of focusing on the technical steps I took to move forward, I shared the raw emotions I experienced during that time. The room was silent—not out of discomfort but because they were with me in that moment. Many approached me afterward, not to discuss my success but to share their own struggles. That’s the power of relatability—it creates shared experiences that resonate deeply.
Balancing Authority with Approachability
Being relatable doesn’t mean sacrificing your authority. In fact, the most influential leaders seamlessly balance expertise with approachability. Neuroscience backs this up: when people perceive you as both competent and caring, they’re more likely to trust and follow you.
As women, we often feel we need to overemphasize authority to be taken seriously. But relatability doesn’t diminish your credibility—it enhances it. When you pair knowledge with empathy and approachability, you create a dynamic that’s both inspiring and trustworthy.
Making It Stick: Tips for Relatable Leadership
- Be Present: Our brains can detect when someone is truly engaged. Put down distractions, maintain eye contact, and focus fully on the person you’re with.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: This encourages dialogue and signals that you’re genuinely interested in what others have to say. Focus on the questions that are meaningful and lead to a thoughtful response.
- Celebrate Vulnerability: Share your struggles and lessons learned. It’s not about oversharing—it’s about showing your humanity. We can’t share every intimate detail of our lives at work, nor would we want to. However, when you focus on being personable rather than personal, you create a deeper connection that still allows for privacy and appropriate workplace conversations.
- Encourage Team Storytelling: Invite your team to share their stories and insights. This fosters connection and helps everyone feel valued. I like to ask my team members questions about their favorite childhood memories or what they were like before they started kindergarten. It’s always fascinating to see the traits they possessed in their younger years that are still active and alive today. This not only assists in team bonding but it creates a relatable and safe environment for everyone to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another. Understanding what motivates someone lies quietly in their history.
Conclusion: Leading with Heart and Mind
Leadership isn’t just about strategy or results; it’s about connecting with people in a way that inspires them to do their best work. After all, isn’t that why we became leaders? To create change and make a difference in the world? The neuroscience of relatability reminds us that trust, empathy, and connection aren’t just nice-to-haves—they’re essential to our success as leaders. It also allows for better mental health as we navigate the stresses of our careers. When you are an inspired leader, you have more support. Therefore, you free yourself from the exhaustion and micromanagement that comes from not knowing or trusting the people around you.
As you move forward in your leadership journey, consider how you can integrate these principles into your daily interactions. The more you understand and apply the science of connection, the stronger your impact will be—on your team, your audience, and yourself.
Curious about how relatable you are as a leader? Take my Relatability Assessment today and discover actionable insights to deepen your connections and elevate your leadership.
