If you’ve been invited to a great party but can’t come up with a date for the event, should you just stay home? Of course not!
Who says you have to be part of a pair to enjoy a fun event among friends and acquaintances? Even if you hardly know a soul there, going solo offers you a great opportunity to meet someone (or many some ones), when staying home would only keep you single. Here’s Abbie’s question:
I’m not sure what’s happening, but it seems like everyone I know is throwing parties lately! The problem is, I’m not seeing anyone right now and there are no viable possibilities on the horizon. I’m in my early thirties, and apparently this is the time when everyone is super-social! I hate to keep turning down invites, but I also would feel so awkward showing up without a date, knowing everyone is thinking about how I can’t get one. How do I just make myself go?
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First of all, Abbie, as a professional matchmaker I want you to know that most people think far more about themselves than about anyone else. It’s unlikely that anyone is even going to wonder about you being on your own. And secondly, you set the tone. By showing up, being confident, friendly, warm and approachable, you define how others see you! They may even envy the freedom you have to breeze in and out, unencumbered.
So with that in mind, here are six tips to help you make the most of going to a shindig solo. I promise if you follow these guidelines you can and will have a great time!
1. Look amazing!
If you look great, you feel great, right? Select something classic, elegant and feminine that you feel comfortable in. And it may surprise you, but it’s better to be slightly over-dressed than under-dressed. So dress for success! (Men never think to themselves “Oh, she’s overdressed.”) Go for silky fabrics with movement, and a statement accessory or two. Don’t be afraid to glam it up, just be sure you feel confident in what you’re wearing and remember to smile when people notice you looking so good!
2. Own the room/ deck/ picnic area.
Enter the party with confidence and stop for a moment to look around and see who’s there. Anyone you know? Walk up, greet them warmly and start a conversation. “What have you been up to,” is a simple opening. If you don’t see anyone you know, choose someone who looks approachable and share an observation, followed by a question: “This looks like a fun crowd. How do you know these folks?”
Party talk isn’t tennis, so don’t stress yourself out. You can always just smile and say “Hi, I’m…” and let the other person take it from there.
3. Leave the insecurities behind.
This isn’t junior high-school. No one is trying to avoid you just because you showed up without a date. Assume that anyone you know will be happy to see you, and that anyone you don’t know can’t wait to meet you!
4. Resist the “crutch-phone.”
If you’re texting or talking during a party, it puts people off. You look bored, disinterested and unapproachable, not to mention rude! You were invited to be a guest, and that requires participating in the action. Save the texting for later. Be in the moment so you can share your beautiful self and positive energy with the other guests. That’s why you’re there!
5. Be the fun, approachable girl!
Times have shifted. A man isn’t going to think “Oh, look, she’s alone, I better steer clear,” when he sees you standing by yourself on the other side of the deck. If you simply smile and make eye contact, he’ll be happy he gets the chance to come over and talk to you!
6. Think like a hostess – sort of.
I’m not suggesting you go around topping off people’s glasses or clearing plates. But as a female keynote speaker who has experience in human connection, I am suggesting you make it your business to observe how others are feeling and interact with them on that basis. See someone who seems shy? Go ask them what they think of the party so far. Notice someone is having a great time and laughing a lot? Approach them and say “You seem to be having a great time!”
Put your energy out to others, and you’ll draw people toward you. It makes you more open, more compassionate and more social.
Bonus Tip:
Keep your goodbyes short and simple. Touch people lightly to get their attention and then say something simple like “great talking to you,” or “great to meet you!” Even a simple wave does the trick. No one has to know where you’re headed next, but a fun, positive exit leaves a great impression and will give you a reason to smile afterwards. It’s much better than slinking out the door, only to have people wonder later what happened to that amazing woman they were talking to earlier.
Are you good at going places by yourself? Even parties? If so, what are your tips for having fun when flying solo? Share them in the comments below!
Hope you’re having a wonderful summer!
“In my 25 years of experience working with single men and women, I’ve found successful relationships are built on a solid foundation of self-knowledge, clarity, and confidence. With my private relationship coaching, you can embark on a transformative journey that will lead you to a deeper understanding of your core values and align you for successfully developing a truly fulfilling relationship that can last a lifetime.”
– April Beyer, Founder & CEO of LevelConnections.com
