I recently posted a question on Facebook asking women if they knew how they were being perceived by men. 99% of the responses were a surprising and resounding “NO.”
How can that be? If you don’t know how people see you, this means you probably aren’t sharing your most authentic self with the world. And if that’s the case, I promise you the signals you’re sending in your love life are going to confuse the men you meet, and you might be attracting all the wrong ones!
Taking Stock From a New Perspective
This week, we’re going to take a look both within and without – to see if your inside thoughts are being reflected to the outside world. You may be feeling one thing internally, while your face or body is betraying you with conflicting messages.
For example: perhaps you’re painfully shy when it comes to seeing a gorgeous man you want to meet, but instead of conveying shyness, your face is telling him you’re aloof, unapproachable, unavailable, or not at all interested. I see this every day with women I meet. They appear to be cool and remote to strangers, but once I interview or coach them, I see just how warm and sweet they really are.
I want everyone to be able to know you simply by looking into your eyes and sensing your energy. That is our goal together! But, first things first. You need to get a gauge or a picture of what people (mostly men) think of you.
Time for a little detective work! I want you to ask four people how they see you. Scared? Suck it up. Be brave. This is going to be good!
The Plan
First, decide on two men you know well (male friends who spend time with you, but with whom you are completely platonic). They could be friends from work, the gym, even a neighbor.
Next, find two men who have only recently met you. You’re already going to be out in the community this weekend, making new connections and living your life, so think about who you might run into. These don’t have to be men you’re interested in dating. It could be someone at your local coffee shop, at a party, or wherever you happen go this weekend.
Close Friends
With your close male friends you’re simply going to flat out ask them. Tell them you’re doing a fun exercise and ask if they’re willing to help you with it. They will of course, say yes. In fact, they might be so curious, they’ll ask you the same questions!
Here’s what to ask:
How would you describe me to your friends?
What did you think of me in the first five minutes of meeting me?
Did your picture or thought of me change once you got to know me?
New Acquaintances
For the two men whom you’ve just met (and remember, these can be just any man, not necessarily someone you want to date), just tell them you’re curious and would love to know how you “come across.” And if you’re shy about asking, it’s okay to say that too. Smile and keep it short and simple.
Here’s a little script you can use:
“You’ve just met me. I’m doing a fun exercise and I’m trying to figure out how new people see me. Not my close friends. What was your initial take on me? Would you be able to describe much about me from knowing me just for 30 (or five) minutes? If so, what would you say about me?”
Finally, Review and Renew
Now, I know this is tough! But once you do it, you’ll have some honest feedback about the messages you’re sending out to the world, and you can ask yourself “is this the real me?”
One of the great benefits of taking a little time to review and renew is that you can get rid of any habits, expressions, or outdated beliefs you no longer want to hold on to. You also have the freedom to replace them with new habits, expressions and beliefs.
I want to be clear that I’m NOT suggesting that you change yourself for anyone’s benefit. Rather, my goal is to help you find out if you’ve been walking around thinking you’re an open book, when you’re sending a message on the outside that you are really hard to get to know.
Our goal is for your wonderful inner self to shine through.
You’ll be able to be more authentic, and make stronger connections, once you’ve reviewed this feedback, and decided if you want to alter how you are in the world.
Remember to check back with me here on the blog. I’ll be curious to see if men are seeing you the way you see yourself. Are there any changes you need to make? Did they confirm what you already know? Let’s discuss!
Have a great weekend!
