Through my vast experience as a relationship expert working with couples, both together and individually, I’ve discovered that the most effective method for creating deeper connections is to ask questions. From simple get-to-know-you questions upon first meeting, to profound, meaning-of-life questions that strengthen bonds, questions are at the heart of learning about others. The right question can spark a deeper conversation where both parties can feel instantly connected.
Through my experience working with couples in all phases of a relationship, from the initial spark to the rekindling of a flame after decades together, I have witnessed firsthand how vital it is to be open, honest and most importantly, ask and answer the important questions that will truly begin to peel back the layers. It may not be comfortable at first, but by unearthing another person’s authentic self is the key to unlocking a true and lasting connection.
This is the power of emotional curiosity.
As a business owner, female motivational speaker and matchmaker, I’m always asking questions. I’ve been insatiably curious about people since I was a child so I’m happy to have discovered a career that calls for this trait. Since every aspect of my work revolves around human connection, I have mastered the art of leveraging emotional curiosity to ask questions that will build trust in a relationship, and I want to share what I’ve learned with you.
How to Tap Into Your Emotional Curiosity with the Right Relationship-Building Questions
Embracing your emotional curiosity is a vital step in cultivating meaningful connections, and it all begins by daring to ask questions for a deeper connection. Dive beyond the superficial and explore the depths of someone’s inner world. Done correctly and with care, you’ll find that people want to share apsects of themselves and feel seen and heard by you. Posing these insightful and thoughtful relationship-building questions might stretch your comfort zone. Yet, it’s these questions, the ones that reach for the heart, that lay the cornerstone of trust.
But if it is so important, why doesn’t it come naturally? After all, aren’t we born naturally curious? We travel, read, go to school, explore and are constantly learning and evolving. As children, we ask endless questions. But as adults, sometimes the right ones escape us.
We’ve been given harmful and unhelpful advice to leave our curiosity at the door as to not offend or intrude. So, we hold back and ask only the safe and easy questions. As a result, connections are fleeting and we receive stock answers that make connection more challenging.
That’s precisely why developing your emotional curiosity is vital.
Emotional curiosity goes beyond being curious simply for the sake of acquiring information. It’s an authentic desire to delve deeper, to understand the people around you and deepening your relationships. This sparks an authenticity that resonates on a profound emotional level.
Being emotionally curious means being finely attuned to the emotional experiences of those in your sphere. We cycle through dozens of emotions in our daily lives, so when you’re able to see this in others, you’re able to ask questions based on not only what you hear, but what you observe in behavior. It demands a deep-seated fascination with others, accompanied by a genuine willingness to listen and learn from their unique journeys. Emotional curiosity involves asking monumental relationship-building questions and genuinely intrigued by the answers. And yes, it also means opening up about your own thoughts, feelings and vulnerabilities. I understand that initiating conversations by asking questions can feel challenging at times, but it is worth it.
Nurturing emotional curiosity is one of the most critical skills you can develop, especially when it comes to building strong relationships at work. People are the power behind everything an organization does, and when you connect with them in a significant way, there is no limit to what you can accomplish together.
Four Strategies to Boost Emotional Curiosity and Spark Deeper Connections
As a matchmaker, female motivational speaker and CEO of LEVELConnections, with decades of experience supporting individuals from all walks of life and backgrounds, I’ve learned that building trust is vital to deepening relationships. And to do that you must authentically get to know others.
This begins by asking questions, but not just any questions. In order to truly build trust in a relationship, you must dig deep and ask thought-provoking questions, So, let’s dive into some tried-and-true strategies for boosting emotional curiosity and sparking deeper connections.
1. Master the Art of the Inquisitive Heart
I’ve mastered the art of asking relationship-building questions, and so can you. It doesn’t require years of training. In fact, you already possess everything you need. It all starts with your heart.
If your questions spring from a place of genuine care and interest, you can’t go wrong. And the answers you get to your meaningful questions not only give you insight into another person but can also aid in self-discovery. After all, we’re all on a journey in search of inspiration and deeper meaning in life, and these nuggets of wisdom often lie beneath the surface, waiting to be discovered through introspection. Unleashing emotional curiosity is a win-win for you and those you interact with.
Asking questions should be part of developing your communication strategies in the workplace or in day-to-day life. But don’t just stick to superficial topics and shy away from asking non-work-related questions. Exploring an employee’s thoughts about work is important, but it is also crucial to recognize that you are leading individuals with a wealth of diverse experiences and emotions.
Asking the right questions to ignite deeper connections might initially feel intimidating, but if you have cultivated a safe and supportive environment, you’ll find the transition smoother than anticipated. And in return, as you express your own vulnerability, you will build even more meaningful relationships.
By wholeheartedly embracing emotional curiosity, you can gain an understanding of your own motivations and desires, while also tuning into the motivations and aspirations of your team.
2. Observe with Genuine Curiosity
One of the skills I’ve honed is my ability to thoughtfully observe individuals and their interactions. It’s fascinating and has taught me about human behavior and what motivates people to better themselves and their relationships.
As you continue on your journey toward building strong relationships at work, I encourage you to unleash the power of observation.
Choose someone to observe and give your emotions and thoughts your undivided attention. Focus on understanding what you see and how you feel. Dive even deeper and ponder what emotions this individual might be feeling. Don’t worry, you don’t need to share your thoughts, this exercise is simply a way to boost your own powers of observation.
I recognize that observing people might feel uncomfortable at first. Our natural instinct is to not pry too deeply or peer too intently into another person’s inner self, but as a Meisner-trained actor and relationship coach, I know firsthand how important it is to be observant.
Once you have gathered your observations, you can formulate relationship-building questions that feel natural based on what you’ve witnessed. As a result of being fully present and aware of another person’s actions and emotions, your questions will be insightful and allow you to connect on a deeper level. The journey toward developing your observation skills will heighten your ability to be attentive and empathetic, and people will respond to you in a positive way.
You may also learn some interesting tidbits about human behavior along the way.
No matter how many times I’ve seen it, I’m always astonished by how people can cycle through a rollercoaster of emotions in a matter of minutes. Even though this pattern still surprises me, I learned how to leverage it to pose influential questions and offer thoughtful responses. This ability to meet others where they are is a powerful way to spark instant connection and foster trust.
It’s just as influential in professional relationships. The importance of connection in the workplace cannot be overstated. As a leader, it should be paramount. Being a keen observer will create meaningful connections and cultivate a culture where everybody feels valued and understood.
3. Foster Psychological Safety
In any relationship, psychological safety should be of utmost importance to both parties. In personal relationships, this tends to be a fifty-fifty effort, but in the workplace, it is one hundred percent your responsibility. Ultimately, it falls to you to create a psychologically safe environment where team members feel comfortable asking questions, providing feedback and being authentically themselves without fear of judgment or reprisal.
You can start creating this type of environment by asking questions based on emotional curiosity rather than a desire to pry or an attempt to invade someone’s privacy.
Emotional curiosity is about understanding and acknowledging feelings rather than opening up a Pandora’s box of personal, and often painful, details. As you embark on this journey and start to master the art of the inquisitive heart, the observation skills you also develop will now play out together as you discover how to strike the perfect harmony between showing interest and respecting boundaries.
Create an inviting space for open dialogue by requesting permission before touching on potentially sensitive subjects and parsing out questions individually. Pay close attention to the other person’s words and non-verbal cues so you can steer the conversation to neutral territory if needed.
But don’t be afraid to go deep. As long as you are respecting the other person’s boundaries, are genuinely interested in their emotions and experiences, and are responding with empathy and care, your questions, paired with their responses, are a phenomenal way to build trust.
Also, it’s important to open up about your own experiences or challenges. Your willingness to be vulnerable will create a safe atmosphere and inspire your team to be open and authentic.
4. Find the Perfect Balance Between Asking and Listening
I can’t tell you how many times one partner has honed their observation skills, mastered the art of asking questions, created a psychologically safe space and then promptly counteracted everything by forgetting about active listening.
What is the point of asking a question if you don’t listen to the response? And not just with your ears, but also your heart. Listening is a simple tool that offers extraordinary rewards.
Often my clients will either one-up the other person or relate to them based solely on shared experiences. Neither approach results in engaging and comfortable conversations. In fact, when someone is answering a question and observes the other person’s attention wander, it promptly severs the connection and erases any trust that has been earned. I advise my clients that emotional resonance and understanding are key, not simply mirroring experiences or feelings.
Instead, focus on what matters, and then delve further into the answers you receive.
I remember working with a couple where one partner would answer questions with a yes or no. Initially, her partner would try to dig deeper, but inevitably, the conversation would grind to a halt with both individuals feeling frustrated and disconnected. After counseling, she began expanding on her answers, which sparked her partner’s emotional curiosity, and the conversation began to organically flow. This fresh approach led to a meaningful relationship.
The key is listening attentively and engaging with the other person’s words and body language. Show genuine interest with follow-up questions that demonstrate your heartfelt desire to know them on a deeper level. And, most importantly, avoid turning the conversation back to yourself or guiding it in a different direction. Focus on the other person, acknowledge their emotions and listen with empathy and curiosity.
Once again, I must stress the importance of this level of connection in the workplace. Every success an organization attains is due to its people, so building trust is paramount. And one of the greatest communication strategies a leader can deploy in the workplace to achieve this is engaging in active listening. How can you expect your team to listen to you if you never truly listen to their story?
How Emotional Curiosity Inspires Questions for Deeper Connections
I feel incredibly lucky. I have always been fascinated with learning what drives individuals, what sparks joy and how their sense of safety and fulfillment is nurtured. My deep love of connecting with people guided me into a career that feeds my emotional curiosity every day. Discovering who people are underneath it all, understanding their core values and identifying how we can collaborate toward shared goals is incredibly rewarding to me. Connecting with others in such a beautiful way infuses me with energy and a sense that I am contributing to their happiness.
So when I support someone on their journey toward developing emotional curiosity, I believe in sharing what has worked for me and invite them to mold my techniques to fit their own style. As a leader, regardless of your individual approach, emotional curiosity should be developed by asking thoughtful questions and sharing your own emotional experiences to create a reciprocal exchange that builds trust and encourages open communication.
The more you ask, the more you learn, and the better your life and the lives of those around you will be.
